Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers
by BlueFoxofWater1569
Summary: -DISCONTINUED/COMPLETED- Rising from the ashes of its predecessor comes the eight letters that will bring destruction across the worlds… Nothing will go unscathed… Reviewers beware, for KH Bloopers are here!
1. Enter Bloopers! Leave No Survivors!

Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers

Sum: Rising from the ashes of its predecessor comes the eight letters that will bring destruction across the worlds… Nothing will go unscathed… Reviewers beware, for KH Bloopers are here! Ideas and requests readily accepted and put to use!

Intro: (sighs) Okay, I know I agreed to do it. KH Bloopers. (sighs again, eyeing One-Winged-Chaos out of the corner of her eye) This is from a special request by One-Winged-Chaos, who GLOMPed me when I said I would… Being as such, I owe him for not putting him in before. So like Armageddon Child, MakruTree, and Sora67 before him…he's a co-director alongside me. (sighs)

AC, Makru, and Sora67: (clapping Chaos on the back) Welcome aboard, Chaos!

Chaos (yes, I shortened his name): It's good to be here…just trying to go through life without looking stupid… It's not working out too well.

Zack: Copyright infringement! (points accusingly at Chaos) He took my line from Zack Parodies V!

BlueFox: You're drunk…all of you. Ahem. Either way, this is a present for Sora67, a be;ated B-Day present… And a Halloween treat for all of you. And a few things are different from FF7 Bloopers. Instead of audiences of the characters, each Disc has a special opening blooper (Disc one was thought up by Sora67) and no Special Bloopers at the end of the chapter. Instead…KH Fanmail will be read. About 3-5 letters each time depending on the length. Make it understandable.

MakruTree: ANYWAY! Welcome to this sequel-ish…thing…

AC: Not really.

MakruTree: (smacks AC) Of FF7 bloopers, KINGDOM HEARTS BLOOPERS!

(insert favorite Disclaimer here)

WARNING: THIS FIC IS FULL OF KAIRI AND TIFA BASHING!! If you actually LIKE these characters, 1) What's wrong w/ you? and 2) leave…NOW!

****

Chapter One  
Enter Bloopers: Leave No Survivors!

-OPENING-**  
-Strike Raid Screw-Up-**

Sora was being sneaky. As Donald and Goofy were getting their butts fried by Maleficent's green fire, he was climbing up one of those pipe things in the room. Laughing to himself about the awesomeness of his thinking (cough) he waited until he could see the magical circle thing that meant lock on.

"STRIKE RAID!" he screamed, though nobody heard him, and he threw Olympia with all of his might at the Dragon's head.

The Dragon lowered her head to try to bite of Donald's head and Olympia flew right past her with a slight whistling sound.

CRASH! went the window across from Sora as Olympia flew through it. The fighting paused as everyone waited, and waited, and waited, but Olympia never came back.

"Ohnononono!" Sora's eyes grew wide as he started to flip out. "TheKeybladesgone! Itsnotcomingback! HowamIsupposedtosavetheworldsnow? I WANT MY MOMMY!" Sora proceed to have a 'moment' and tore out all of his brown hair and froth a little at the mouth as every onlookers' eyes resembled 0.0. Well, except…

BlueFox and Sora67: (ROFLTAO)

Tetsuya: Oh…oh no… (buries face and starts to quietly sob)

-BLOOPERS!-

-Scene With Roxas and the Computer-

After the whole flashback scene was over, Roxas started to flip out. He grabbed his head.

"I…"

He gritted his teeth and clenched his eyes closed.

"…want…"

He summoned the Keyblade.

"COOKIES!"

And proceeded to demolish the computer.

-Scene Before Axel II Boss-

"Simply amazing, Roxas," came a voice from down the corridor. In walked Axel, arms crossed, looking a little bored.

"Axel…" Roxas looked down at the Keyblade, the sole thing that had caused him to lose his lov-BEST FRIEND!! Ahem…

"So you really do remember me this time?" He spun to Roxas. "I'm SO FLATTERED!" He threw open his arms and fire sprang from them and set the whole place on fire. Roxas jumped back, startled, but suddenly the fire died and Axel was in tears.

"Err… What's up?" Roxas didn't know what was going on.

"I BURNED MYSELF!"

Tetsuya: Cut!

BlueFox: (cracking up and holding her stomach)

Take 2

"You really do remember me this time? I'm SO sorry! Roxas, can you forgive me? I didn't mean to hurt you! I could never hurt you! I'm so sorry!" Axel fell into tears again as Roxas shot a look to the sky in exasperation.

Take 3

"I'm SO FLATTERED!" The fire sprang up and Roxas got a little freaked out before turning his eyes to Axel, who was looking a little worse for wear.

"Uh…"

"ROXAS! I love you! ROXAS! I love you! ROXAS! I-"

Roxas threw up his hands. "Okay, okay, I get it, jeez!"

Tetsuya: (glares at BlueFox and AC)

BlueFox and AC: (fangirl giggles)

MakruTree: (cracking up)

Sora67: (disgusted)

Chaos: Cut!

-Scene With Roxas Popping Out of Sora-

Roxas popped out of Sora.

"WOAH! What the hell, did you just walk out of my body?"

Tetsuya: SORA!…

BlueFox: This is awesome.

-Scene With Riku/Ansem and Sora-

"Lead me to everlasting darkness!" Riku/Ansem threw the Dark Keyblade down and Sora held up Olympia to fend it off, only to have it…

…break in half.

A bloodcurdling scream filled the area.

Everyone: 0.0

(A few hours later)

Saïx, Leon, and Seifer all glared at Sora, the non-emo kid who now sported a scar like theirs.

-Scene When Sora Turns into a Heartless-

Hmmm… Sora thought.

Little black claws…glowing yellow eyes…bendy antenna…? I must be a…BUTTERFLY!

Tetsuya: Sora, you're a Heartless.

__

Oh…that was my second guess. Wait… OH MY GOD!

-FAN MAIL-

****

Dear Cloud,

Cloud sighed. "Oh God. Here we go…"

****

Who do you like more? Tifa, Yuffie, or Aerith?

(-.-) "Let me get this straight. You're asking me whether I like a chick," he pointed to Tifa, "a hyperactive lesbian stripper," he pointed to Yuffie, "or a girl who is technically dead?" he pointed to Aerith.

Readers: …Yes.

Cloud sighed again and just walked away.

BlueFox: (images of Clack and Cleon fill her head) Hee hee.

Sora67 and MakruTree: (are disgusted)

AC: This next one is for…Sephiroth?! Is he even here?

"Boo."

AC: (turns and sees Sephiroth behind her) HO-LEE F--! (grabs chest) Where did you come from?

Sephiroth smirked. "Your worst nightmare."

Chaos: (furrows eyebrows) You came from Scotland?

Everyone Else: …

BlueFox: Aaaaaanyway, here's your letter.

****

Dear Sephiroth,

How do you fly with one wing? Do you fly in circles or something?

Sephiroth's eyelids began to twitch spasmodically. "Do you know how many times I have been asked that? Why not ask Angeal or Genesis or Cloud? They each only have a wing, too! But nooooo, I always get stuck with these stupid questions. You've all seen me fly with one wing! I swear, the next time I hear someone ask me something like that, I will stab them through so many times their own mothers wouldn't recognize them, then rip up their hearts so Heartless and Nobodies don't come and ask me that question of such high stupidity, and then I'll cackle as I watch your pathetic mortal soul rise from your body and then be torn to shreds by Masamune!"

BlueFox: 0.0

"I sincerely wish I could do that you right now! But alas…it is past my bedtime." Sephiroth disappeared in a puff of feathers.

BlueFox: I'm scared. I-I mean… (shifty eyes)

* * *

Short chapter, meant to be that way. Hope you aren't too badly OOC Chaos, but that's how it is. Lessee here…the next chapter…um…it'll be random! Cause I have no idea what's next! Though the theme's gonna be Winter/Christmas and stuff, cause this won't be updated till December…

Comments? Ideas? Fanmail? Requests? Send 'em in by review!

Oh, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN! (tosses audience their favorite candies)


	2. Attack of the Fans

Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers

Intro: (shivers and sips from cup of hot cocoa) Goddamn weather…stopped me from updating around the holidays, stopped me from doing _anything_ for the holidays on FanFic. (growls deep in throat) So then, I suppose I have to write a normal chapter for you guys. No special Christmas stuff, maybe at the end of this year. (shrugs) Anyhoo, enjoy!

WARNING: Lotsa character bashing in this chapter. And there's a few references to Vampire Knight as well. And fans of the Gullwings might wanna skip the Gullwing blooper.

Disclaimer: Don't sue me, I'm funny.

Chapter Two  
Attack of the Fans

-Scene with Seifer in KH2-

"You're the only ones who'd take it, ya know?" declared Rai, putting his fists onto his hips.

"Oh yeah?" retorted Hayner.

"Nice comeback there, blackie," taunted Seifer, coming around the corner.

"Err…I'm blond," Hayner said.

Seifer made a U-turn and left the sandlot.

BlueFox: (points) He admits it!

Take 2

"You're the only ones who'd take it, ya know?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Nice comeback there, Zell."

O_o went Hayner. "I'm not Zell."

"Then why the hell do you have that gay-ass tattoo on your face?" asked Seifer, trying not to laugh.

BlueFox: Such words, Seifer.

"It's not a gay-ass tattoo!" argued Hayner, self-consciously covering the tattoo. "It wasn't my idea."

"Then whose was it?"

Hayner's eyes slipped to BlueFox, which caused everyone to look at her.

BlueFox: . . What are you talking about? I had nothing to do with this.

"Suuure you didn't," agreed Roxas disbelievingly. "Just like Cloud's hair going pink wasn't your fault."

Tetsuya: (buries face in hands) Let's just…pick this up tomorrow. Hayner, go get that gay-ass tattoo off your face.

Take 3

"You're the only ones who'd take it, ya know?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Nice comeback there, Loz."

"Wha?" Seifer held up a mirror for Hayner to look through, only to see himself with silver hair.

"DAMMIT!"

Take 4

"You're the only ones who'd take it, ya know?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Nice comeback there, Zero." This time, Hayner had silver hair that wasn't sticking up, silver eyes, and a black tattoo on the side of his neck. His eye started to twitch spasmodically as he looked at BlueFox.

BlueFox: Erm… (hides tattoo needle behind back)

Tetsuya: (sighs)

(Offstage)

Riku, Kadaj, Loz, Yazoo, Sephiroth, Kuja, Ansem, Xemnas, and Ultimecia (and any other silver-haired being from FF & KH I forgot) were all grouped together. Riku was the first to see Zer-er, Hayner, walk by.

"Love the hair, Hayner," he taunted.

"(Censored) you, Riku. (Censored) you."

-Mickey's Entrance in KH2-

Sora collapsed against Donald and Goofy as more of those strange white things attacked. He held up the Kingdom Key in a futile defense, and then the enemy was gone.

A strange buzzing sound filled the air and some weird little…thing…figure, it, whatever it was, flipped around, making strange yelling sounds as it killed all of the white enemies, and then ended with his green weapon thing extended out beside him.

Sora leaned forward and reached out to poke the mysterious being. "You aren't Mickey…"

Donald and Goofy jumped him. "OMFG! It's YODA!"

Jedi Master Yoda turned to Donald and Goofy, putting away his lightsaber. "Strong these things seem to be." And then he tossed Donald some kind of pack and ran off.

Tetsuya: Chaos, mind telling me where Mickey went?

Chaos: Erm… He's, really, really, really, _really,_ … … …sick?

Tetsuya: He quit didn't he?

AC: That's putting it a bit harshly…but yeah.

Tetsuya: …

-Axel's Entrance, Re: CoM-

"HELLO!" cried Axel as he came onto the scene, winking and pointing at the screen.

There was a slight wind by where AC and BlueFox had been sitting on either side of Tetsuya, and he blinked a bit, before following the smoke trail to where the two had gone.

BlueFox & AC: (squeal) AXEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLL! YOU'RE ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVE!

Tetsuya: The remake was a bad idea, wasn't it?

-Scene w/ Leon and Yuffie in KH1-

"Now you're, you're gonna…" Sora passed out, and Leon got up.

"Looks like you're losing your touch, there," Yuffie grinned and said smartly, "Leon."

"That's Squall… Waaaaiiiit."

Tetsuya: YUFFIE!…

-Leon's Entrance, Re: CoM-

So, Leon's lines came onto the screen, and BlueFox had been duct taped to her director's chair. AC's gone home. Even so, Tetsuya's getting a bit weirded out with the drooling fangirl beside him.

Sora turns, and instead of saying Leon, he says, "Kaname Kuran?"

…

…

…

"No, Sora, I'm Leon."

"No, he's Squall!"

Leon spun around and started to stomp offstage. "YUFFIE!… you know I'm Leon in KH!"

"I know, I know."

"Then why do you call me Squall?"

"'Cuz it's fuuuuuuuuuuun."

Tetsuya: Why did I agree to this…?

BlueFox: (shrugs)

Tetsuya: And who the hell is Kaname Kuran?

(An army of Vampire Knight fangirls invaded the set of Re: Chain of Memories, and we apologize for the delay in the release of the game. The director was recovering in the hospital and didn't trust me enough to give me the key and let me direct it. The bastard…)

-Scene w/ Gullwings' Entrance-

"Excuse me," came a soft yet small voice from behind Sora. He turned, yet saw nobody, until the three Gullwings floated up into his eyesight. "What're Leon and the gang up to?"

Sora's face went deadly calm, and he held out his hand. At first, everyone thought the Keyblade was going to appear. But then…it didn't.

A flyswatter did instead.

Donald and Goofy gave Sora really wide-eyed stares and BACKED AWAY and Sora raised the flyswatter. The Gullwings' eyes grew big as well.

"Wh-What are you doing?" Yuna asked in an extremely small voice.

(We apologize, again, but due to the extremely graphic Gullwing-slaughter that happened following this, we have deleted this part of the chapter. We apologize for any inconvenience.)

BlueFox: (puts her head between her knees to stave off the nausea) Oh. My. God.

Sora walks by, seemingly very happy.

Tetsuya comes in, having left for a lunch break, and sees what's happened.

Tetsuya: Now you see why I don't let you direct on your own.

-Cloud Summon in Re: CoM-

Sora summons Cloud, Cloud gets as far as he's about to flip his hair, and the card gets broken. This happens various times.

BlueFox: (screams like a banshee) GODDAMN YOU! (mauls Heartless without using cards) Let me see Cloud flip his hair, dammit! Stop breaking the damn card!

Tetsuya: BLUEFOX! Calm down! Those are actors you're tearing apart!

BlueFox: (looks at bloody remains) Ooh… (runs away like Napolean Dynamite)

-.-.-

End: Guys, you HAVE to send in fanmail! Otherwise, I'm taking this story off! But send in more ideas, too! Thanks for reading!


	3. Seriously?

Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers

Intro: Man, oh man, you guys should thank SunflowerWielder! She (you ARE a she, right? Not a he?) sent in some fanmail, thereby preventing this fic from being taken off by me! (smiles) Oh hoho, the answers that will bring. (rubs hands together evilly)

Also, I think I owe a big apology to One-Winged-Chaos. I referred to her as a 'he'. It's a mistake on my part, but to me One-Winged-Chaos sounds like a guy's screenname. Sorry, Chaos! It was my mistake, but at least I know better now, right? Right. I need to rant. Skip the next paragraph if you want to get to the story.

Ahem… Fans of Death Note may or may not have heard this. They've released a live-action film in Japan (that AC's buying and I'll be seeing this week), and they have scheduled a remake of it here in America to be released in 2010. I rejoiced at this. HOWEVER there have been rumors circulating…that ZAC EFRON will play Light Yagami. HO MAI GAWD!! HELLZ NO! God, I DO NOT want to see some dumb HSM lead person playing a divine-punisher/homicidal maniac! Sure, he may have the hair thing down, BUT! Zac is not cut out to play Light, hell he's not smart enough! I'm a Light fangirl to the extreme and it pisses me off GREATLY that they would even THINK about casting that dumbass to play Light. GAWD! That's just as bad as (Twilight fans may or may not be shocked) Dakota Fanning playing Jane in New Moon. What. The. Hell. I mean Good God, are you guys _trying_ to destroy our favorite characters/actors? Yeah, 'let's make sweet little Dakota an evil little girl who smiles sweetly at you as she mentally tortures you. Yeah! That'll go over well with her fans.' Or, 'let's turn basketball star Zac Efron into a man who kills people with a notebook, claiming to be the god of this new world, and when anyone sees him on the sidewalk they'll instinctively shrink away! Whoo!' I swear if Zac really is cast as Light, L sure as hell be some really hot guy (like Johnny Depp or something) that can be sure to outmatch Zac. Cause if not, I'm going to that casting place, and I'll shoot them in the head. And I don't care if I get arrested. Shows them that's what happens when you ruin a bishounen. …And if Misa turns out to be some dumb blonde (like Hannah Montana or Mena Suvari) I'm going to move. I don't know where. Maybe I'll just go assassinate someone nobody cares about. Seriously. Ahem… If you actually read all of this, err, thanks? I really needed to get that out.

Disclaimer: Don't sue me, I'm funny.

WARNING: Character bashing, references to FF7: Bloopers, references to Star Ocean games, implied yaoi (but in a GOOD way), contains Death Note characters

Chapter Three  
Seriously?

-Riku's Ending, CoM-  
(actually, it's the Renders, but whatever)

Roxas looked down at Twilight Town, smiled, and then realized something. He quickly backed away.

"Dear God, I didn't realize just how high this was…" he whimpered.

Take 2

"Today, I learned something new!" came Roxas' voice. Cue camera from behind him. "It was all a LIE! The sky is not blue…" The camera moved to beside him. "It's ORANGE!!"

Everyone: (jawdrop) …

Tetsuya: Seriously?

"I swore I colored it blue…" Naminé mused.

"It's PURPLE!" shouted Kairi.

"YAYYY PURPLE!" called Axel.

AC: Purple is a funny word.

Everyone Else: …

Chaos: Seriously?

"No, I'm pretty sure it's blue…" Naminé told them, flipping through her sketchbook.

"Then why is it orange behind me?" demanded Vexen, pointing at Twilight Town's sky behind him.

"Because you DIED!" taunted Larxene.

"It's BLAAACK!" declared Ansem.

SNOOOORRRRRRREEEEEEEE. Everyone jumped at Sora, who had fallen asleep.

BlueFox: Seriously?

Tetsuya: STOP! JUST STOP! Cut, whatever!! Aargh!

-Naminé Gets Bold-  
-From CoM-

The bad guys of Sora's story were all in one room (I don't remember when this happens, just that it does…right?), with Naminé all by her little lonesome.

"Your others were SOOOOO fat…" she taunted under her breath.

Larxene spun around to her, looking taken aback. "Oh no she DI-IN'T!"

Tetsuya: Cut! Cut! CUUUUUUUTTTTTTTT! (goes unheard) Goddammit, that's the fifth time this week…

-End of KH2-  
-At The Beach That Never Was-  
(or whatever the hell it is. From One-Winged-Chaos)

(Note: I haven't actually beaten the game in a REEEAAALLLYYY long time, so I'm just going off what was put in the PM. Bear with me.)

It grew quiet around the two lo-BEST FRIENDS (cough cough), and Sora stood up to go to the water. Riku watched him, his hair blowing slightly in the small breeze.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!shift+1!11111111oneone!!!!!!!!!" screamed Sora OUT OF NOWHERE.

Tetsuya: (hiding under chair)

BlueFox & Chaos: (stifling laughter)

"JESUS CRIMENY SORA! WHAT THE (CENSORED) WAS THAT FOR?!?!?!" exclaimed Riku, who had found his way up into one of those decaying trees in less than 2 seconds.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! I get it from Zack." Sora walked offstage.

-End of KH2-  
-Kairi's Letter Scene-  
(various interpretations by Sora67, moi and Jade)

Riku picked up the bottle, opened it, and took out the letter. After a quick scan, he looked at Sora. "Sora?"

"Yeah Riku?"

"It's for you." He handed it over to Sora, who began to read it out loud.

"Thinking of you, wherever you are. We pray for our sorrows to end, and hope that our hearts will blend. Now I will step forward to realize this wish. And who knows? Maybe starting a journey won't be so hard… Or maybe it's already begun. There are many worlds out there, but they share one sky. One sky, one destiny."

Before anything else could happen, Zack was heard offstage. "My GOD that was cheesier than Advent Children's opening!"

BlueFox: Seriously.

Tetsuya: (spins around) You're not in this game, Zack, so Get. The. Hell. Out.

Zack ran.

Take 2

"Sora?"

"Yeah?"

"It's for you."

"…Oh, my Roddick." O_o "Who the hell's Roddick?"

BlueFox: (scurries on screen) Erm, wrong game. (snatches paper and runs)

Take 3

"Sora?"

"Yes?"

"It's for you."

"…" O_O "Riku?"

"Huh?"

"…This is a list of people who have died. I think it's a Death Note."

"…"

"OMFGWTFBBQVCR! Ryuk's behind you!" Sora ran away.

Tetsuya: (glares at BlueFox)

BlueFox: I had nothing to do with this one. (tosses and apple behind her and Ryuk goes after it)

Take 568

Riku sighed. "Sora?"

"WTH do you want now, Riku?"

Tetsuya: Sonuva Moogle, cut.

Take 1687

"Sora?"

"Mm?"

"It's for you."

"…Seriously? Kairi? Signed, SunflowerWielder."

"Shouldn't that have been at the end?"

Take 28973

"………..Sora."

"WHAT?!"

O_O "It's for you. Again."

It was the right note! Sora began to read it out loud. "Thinking of you, wherever you a-"

"Blah blah blah, endless dialogue, moving on, where's Cloud, I need to shoot something." Riku looked bored.

Tetsuya: I. Give. Up. (leaves)

Makru: Seriously. (follows)

-Ultimate Faceplant-  
-KH2 Xigbar Fight-  
(from One-Winged-Chaos)

"Clever little sneak!" shouted Xigbar as he teleported down.

He appeared and began that annoying shooting at Sora, Donald, and Goofy, when he teleported to the ceiling, and SOMEHOW tripped on his own robe and fell smack into the platform.

Which decided to transform at that point into the little tiny-winy platform, thus giving him no support, in which just fell down into that black abyss. About ten minutes later, a resounding SMACKKkkk! could be heard.

"I landed on my FACE!" he screamed. "And a rock punctured my other eye! Dear God, I need a Great Gospel!"

Aerith peered over the edge from where she had been offstage and called down, "Sorry, but I can't do a Great Gospel in Kingdom Hearts!"

BlueFox: How could he trip on his own robe? He doesn't even run!

Chaos: Seriously.

-What's a Kingdom Hearts?-  
-Based off a Scene from Robot Chicken Star Wars Special I-

Ansem picked up the phone from beside him, which had been ringing off the hook. "This is Ansem, villain of KH1 speaking."

"ANSEM!" screamed Xemnas' voice from the other side. "I can't believe it! Th-They actually did it!"

Ansem held up a hand to tell the other two villains, Sephiroth and Kuja (he was in a meeting for badass silver-haired villains only, okay?). "Calm down Xemnas, and tell me what happened."

As Xemnas explained to Ansem what was going on in TWTNW, Kuja took out a cell phone and text Sephiroth: _Xemnas = Mansex_

Sephiroth snorted.

"What the hell are you saying, Xemnas? Are you going to tell me a mouse, three teens, and some blond old coot outsmarted you?!"

Kuja and Sephiroth started laughing obnoxiously, loud enough for Xemnas to hear it on the other end. (Of course, Kuja shouldn't be laughing…he got his ass kicked by his monkey-brother and a bunch of other teenagers. Nor should Sephiroth, who lost to Sora twice and got told off by Donald, but I digress…) Xemnas started sniffling.

Ansem turned to them, putting the phone against his shoulder. "Guys, guys! He's crying!" he mocked.

That only made them laugh harder, with Kuja snorting a little bit.

Ansem put the phone back to his ear. "Now calm down, Xemnas, and explain to me again what happened. Mmhm…uh huh…oka-…What? They blew up Kingdom Hearts? Sonuva Moogle… Look, I'll be right there, okay? Okay. Good bye." He didn't immediately hang up. "I…I love you too." Then he hung up.

Sephiroth literally fell out of his chair laughing, Ansem turned a very deep scarlet, and Kuja just gave them a blank look.

"What the HELL is a Kingdom Hearts?"

-Fanmail-

AC: Thanks SunflowerWielder for sending in fanmail and saving this story from being booted off! (beams)

Makru: Okay, I wanna read the first one! To Sora.

"Lemme answer now, before you reread the question. Yeah. Seriously. Kairi." Sora pulled Kairi close to him, and she giggled.

Chaos: (swings legs) Then would you care to explain why you grabbed Riku's ass in KH2?

"I did not!"

BlueFox: You did so! I saw it! (straightens) N-Not that I look at his ass, anyway…

Chaos: M-me neither.

Both: (shifty looks)

Sora glared. "I. Hate. You. All."

AC: Sora's GAY.

"(Censored) you."

BlueFox: The next one is for…AXEL! YAYYAY!

Axel sniffed and blew his nose. "Wha?"

BlueFox: 'Could you seet DiZ on fire for me?' I think she meant 'set.'

Axel sneezed. "Sorry Sunflower, I can't. I'm sick."

Roxas raised an eyebrow. "How did you pull THAT one off? Technically, all Nobodies are empty husks of a body with nothing in them, so a germ or a virus or whatever wouldn't really have anything to attack in a Nobody."

Chaos: Unless it was a nonexistent germ.

Sora67: Yeah, there we go. A nonexistent sickness, that's what Axel came down with.

AC: To DiZ. 'Could you burn in hell? With Axel's assitance of course!'

Makru: Axel's got a nonexistent sickness, so…

BlueFox: (suddenly grins)

Sora67: Uh, guys? BlueFox has that look on her face that says, 'I have a backup plan for burning DiZ because Axel can't do it.'

Chaos: How'd you come up with that?

AC: We all know that look. We know her in real life. You're the only one who doesn't.

Chaos: (sighs) Once again, I miss out…

BlueFox: Oh LIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHTTTTT! (dances off)

A few minutes later…

"HO MAI GAWD!" Riku ran past, with a flaming, shrieking DiZ following him, asking for a rubber ducky. BlueFox came prancing back just as DiZ fell to the floor and shriveled up.

AC: (pinches bridge of nose) The Death Note isn't supposed to be used like that, Blue.

Makru: YEAH! We didn't agree to use it like that.

BlueFox: I care…why?

Chaos: To the Gullwings: 'Did it hurt?'

Elsewhere, the little Gullwings are in small wittle rooms, covered in full body casts. A muffled "Yes!" is heard from Rikku, the only one NOT in a coma. Poor things.

Chaos: What you did to them was cruel, BlueFox.

BlueFox: I didn't do it! It was Sora.

AC: You wrote it down.

BlueFox: I don't have control of a Death Note.

Everyone: (looks at ashes, then at BlueFox)

BlueFox: Okay…okay, my bad.

Sora67: To Tetsuya: 'Would you like a painkiller? Also, if you could kill one member of the KH cast, who would it be?'

Tetsuya: I'd like a bottle of painkillers. (bottle appears out of nowhere) Ooh, cool. As for who I'd like to kill… (looks at BlueFox)

BlueFox: GAWD! Am I really that bad? (Tetsuya nods) Well, haha, you can't kill me! I provide the entertainment, as well as this! (whips out a flamethrower)

Tetsuya: (whips out Digimon-shit-shooting gun)

AC: Oh dear, not again.

Suddenly, Light Yagami walked on…wearing a…is that a shock collar? Erm… (looks around) "BlueFox, I have a question."

BlueFox: (suddenly sweet) Yes, Light?

"Can I kill Riku?"

(Light gets maimed)

* * *

End: Whoo! That was fun! Okay, for you newcomers, here's a short explanation on some things you may not get:

--Great Gospel: an inadvertent running joke from FF7 Bloopers. It was usually used whenever A: someone did an epic faceplant, or B: Cloud landed on someone/something/got hit in the nuts.

--Digimon-Shit-Shooting Gun: from the end of FF7 Bloopers, when Angeal and Tetsuya had their epic fight that always happens at the end of something big. AKA the final battle.

--Zack: in FF7 Bloopers, it was revealed that Zack is Sora's cousin.

As for the whole Death Note thing, it's just a joke with Makru and me, where we kidnap Light and force him to kill who we want from KH. We decided that if he ever asked for Riku, we'd maim him. So we did. (beams)

Send in the fanmail! Send in ideas! Send in reviews! And don't worry, all ideas WILL be used…eventually! See you next time!


	4. Wardrobe Malfunctions

Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers

**~INTRO:** Woah, we got a buttload of ideas, but no fanmail… REMEMBER GUYS! I'm not going to compensate for you by asking my friends or making questions up, YOU need to send in fanmail! Otherwise, this gets discontinued!

And as a reply to _IkutoXAxel – Shugo – Chara_, we people come up with stuff like this probably from insane boredom. I'm just sitting at my computer one day, and I decided, 'Hey, why not write a few bloopers for Final Fantasy VII?' Then I posted it to see how it would go. It got so popular, and so big with over 150,000 hits when it was finished, that (with a little encouragement from One-Winged-Chaos) I decided to write this.

Not only that, but watching Fruits Basket helps a lot.

**~DISCLAIMER:** Don't sue me, I'm funny.

**~WARNINGS:** Baaaad stuff is gonna happen to some of our favorite bishies…

**Chapter Four  
Wardrobe Malfunctions, or What You Will**

-Beginning of KH1-  
-Underwater-

Tetsuya: Action!

The tidal wave rose upward, and Riku turned his head slightly toward Sora, before fully turning, and stretching out his hand. The wave started to come down.

Sora took off toward him and the tidal wave came crashing down and Sora flipped backward like three times. Riku floated away from him and stretched out his hand, before suddenly withdrawing it back.

"Where'd my overall things go?!" Sora wailed, desperately trying to cover two places at once.

BlueFox: AIIIIIEEEEEEE!! I'M BLINDED FOR LIFE!!! *runs*

Tetsuya: I have never seen either Riku or BlueFox run so fast…

Take 2

Sora took off toward him and the tidal wave came crashing down and Sora flipped backward like three times. Riku floated away from him and stretched out his hand. Sora tried to reach out to Riku, he tried vainly.

BlueFox: *stands up* YOU CALL THAT SWIMMING?! Don't make me laugh…

Tetsuya: Uh, BlueFox?

BlueFox: SOOOOORRRRRRRAAAAAAA! You aren't some kitten drowning in a puddle…

AC: Um, BlueFox.

BlueFox: SWIM! *points* SWIIIIIIIIIM!!!

Everyone: O_O

BlueFox: Don't make me come out there and show you how it's really done…

Tetsuya: You need to stop looking through Note stuff on TinyPic…

-Atlantica-  
-First Entrance-

(Note: I forgot the dialog!)

Sora opened his eyes, expecting himself to be unable to breathe, to be struggling for air. However, that wasn't the cast.

Donald and Goofy's cackling was what made him look at himself. He had a shark fin, but that wasn't the problem.

"What. The. Hell?" he mumbled, poking at the pink seashells tied around his chest.

Tetsuya: O_o

AC: A hahaha! Sora's got a bad case of man-boobs!

Sora immediately tried to cover himself up. "I-I do not!"

-KH2-  
-Freudian Slips-

"Simply amazing, Roxas…" muttered Axel as he walked in the room.

" ," whispered Roxas. "I-I mean AXEL!"

went Axel as he ran from the room, AC following him shouting, "You've just been FREUDIAN SLIP'D!"

Take Two

"Simply amazing, Rat's-Ass." Axel glared.

"I didn't mean it!!!" Roxas stamped his foot.

BlueFox: You've just been, FRUEDIAN SLIP'D!

Number 2

The Organization (or what was left of it) all were summoned atop the wall in Hollow Bastion.

"Ogenization Thirteen!" cried Sora, who suddenly got a confused look on his face.

"…Did you…just call us 'Ogenization'?" asked the guy in front.

"I believe he did."

BlueFox: FREUDIAN SLIP!!!

-A New Drive Form-  
-Scene with Sephiroth-  
(From Omegalus)

BlueFox: Oh YAY! Omegalus' package arrived!! *rips it open* It's a new Drive Form…

Sora walked on, then ed it from her. "Must be for me then. Imma go test it out in that scene with Sephiroth!"

BlueFox: Umm… I wouldn't use that Form in that…scene. *Sora didn't hear* Oh boy…

(Scene w/ Sephiroth)

Tetsuya: *snorts at Sora's new form* All right, action.

"What is Cloud doing?" asked Sephiroth, gazing over Hollow Bastion.

"Beats me." Sora shrugged, feeling an uncomfortable breeze travel up his legs and shifting to keep warm. Donald and Goofy were trying to keep from laughing, and even reverted to stuffing their hands in their mouths, but even so some snickers and snorts could be heard coming around their fists.

"Hmm." Sephiroth slowly raised his head. "By the way…you three…" He spun around with Masamune, as he demanded, "Who are you?"

Sora attempted to call his Keyblade to him, but instead all he got was… a flower basket. Sephiroth's left eye began to spasmodically twitch as his eyes took on a dangerous green glint.

"P-Pink…dress…"

BlueFox and Sora67: Run, Sora, RUUUUN!

Sora takes heed of their warning and turns to run, however, he tripped on the ridiculously long and frilly edge of the pink dress that was his newest Drive Form (sent by Omegalus) and fell to his knees, his hands ally clasping together.

BlueFox: OH GOD!! I CAN'T WATCH!!

Tetsuya: Cut! CUT! CUUUT! CUUUUUUUU- *Sora's scream cuts him off* …

Everyone Else: …

Tetsuya: I'd call Aerith, but…well…

-The Hugging Scene-  
-Kingdom Hearts-  
(From: Omegalus)

"Sora!" cried Kairi as she turned around and wrapped her hands around the Heartless behind her.

There was a flash of light, and suddenly instead of Sora being Sora and stuff, there was a slightly feminine Heartless standing beside him.

"AAAAH!!" squealed Donald as he turned to run.

"A-hyuck! What happened?" Goofy had spaced out again.

"Don't let the Heartless touch you!" was all Donald shrieked before being touched himself. He turned into a Heartless.

Tetsuya: Well…shit.

-Demy's Fangirls-  
-Kingdom Hearts 2-  
(From: obliven1993)

"AWWWWWWGGGGGGHH! Nooooooooo!" Demyx faded.

Sora wiped the sweat off his brow. "Whew, that was one of the harder battles we've faced…"

"A ha!" came a voice, but it wasn't Mickey's…

"HE DESTROYED DEMYX!" cried Demyx fangirl number 156,786.

"HE'S THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL!" declared Demyx fangirl number 78,946.

"KILL!" shouted all of Demyx's fangirls.

*insert the sound of Sora crapping his pants here*

Tetsuya: I think this game is too dangerous for a fifteen year old…

-Ravine Trail Battles-  
-Kingdom Hearts 2-

Cloud and Leon stood back to back. Cloud was a bit concerned about the pull he felt from his cape-thingie, but was too preoccupied with the Heartless to pay it much mind.

"This may be harder if there was one more," he mused softly to his brown-haired counterpart.

Leon chuckled, tightening his grip on Revolver. "Then that will have to be the one I take out."

Cloud's eyes widened a little in mock surprise. "What? You're fighting?" Leon chuckled again. They readied themselves to leap, and Cloud went first.

RRRRIIIIIPPPPP!

He fell flat on his face, the Buster Sword skittering a few yards or so away. Shaking blue dust out of his face and hair, he turned to see about a half of his cape thingie laying on the ground underneath Leon's foot. "YO! What was that for?!" he accused Leon, who gave him an look.

"I don't know what you're talking about." His eyes wandered off.

"You damn well know what I meant! Are you just jealous because I'm hotter than you AND I don't need millions of belts to pull it off?!"

Leon gasped. "You take that back!" Suddenly Cloud and Leon were facing each other with their weapons, and not the Heartless, who all had '?' above their heads.

Chaos: BISHIE FIGHT! BISHIE FIGHT! *pumps fist in air*

Take 2

Now Cloud was alone, taking his anger out on the Heartless, and pausing briefly to take a deep breath. The Heartless surrounded him, and then suddenly there was a faint 'whiz' sound as all the Heartless around him were obliterated.

There was also a shift of cloth as the same half of Cloud's cape-thingie was cut off. He looked at it, then at the perpetrator. "SEPHIROTH!" he shrieked. "I JUST STAPLED THAT BACK ON! GET OVER HERE SO I CAN BARBEQUE YOUR WINGS AND FEED THEM TO GENESIS!!"

MakruTree: Oh dear…

Take 3

Sora ran into the section after Yuffie, but before Leon, and Tifa joined him in the fight.

"Hey thanks, Tifa!" He paused, looking at her outfit. Then her hair. "No, wait, Rinoa!" She stopped and glared. "No, NO! You're GARNET!"

Tifa looked skyward and shook her head.

BlueFox: See, this is what happens when three s who look alike are in sequential games.

Tetsuya: Now you tell me. *buries face*

-Windows Aren't Meant for Leaning Out Of-  
-Beginning of Kingdom Hearts II-  
(From SunflowerWielder)

Roxas blearily opened his eyes and rubbed at them with a sigh. "Mm, nn… Another dream about him," he mumbled, sitting up and staring at his hands. The clock from Station Square began to chime the time, and Roxas looked over, before pushing the window open and leaning out.

Unfortunately, he leaned out…a _bit_ too far.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed as he began to plummet to the ground.

Take 2

The clock from Station Square began to chime the time, and Roxas looked over, before pushing the window open and leaning out.

SPLAT!

Roxas blinked and slowly turned his face skyward, just in time to get another splatter of pigeon poop smack in the middle of his forehead and spreading out.

BlueFox: *shudders*

Chaos: *laughing*

AC: *pointing and laughing*

Take 3

The clock from Station Square began to chime the time, and Roxas looked over, before pushing the window open and leaning out.

CRACK!

Roxas stumbled back and fell off his bed, landing with a sickening THUD! on his floor.

"CHICKEN-WUSS!" yelled Seifer from outside, dropping the other rock he held in his hand to the ground as BlueFox and an army of other Roxas fangirls ran on-screen, all of them screaming like banshees.

Take 4

The clock from Station Square began to chime the time, and Roxas looked over, before pushing the window open and leaning out.

SPLAT!

Roxas blinked and slowly turned his face skyward, just in time to get another splatter of pigeon poop smack in the middle of his forehead and spreading out.

CRACK!

A rock hit the back of his head, thanks once again to Seifer, and Roxas managed to stay conscious this time. Conscious enough to realize that he was leaning just a _bit_ too far out. Once again, he began to plummet toward the ground.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" he shrieked, flailing his limbs wildly.

Unfortunately for him, the fangirls were too busy chasing Seifer with pitchforks and knives to catch their beloved Roxas.

Ouch.

* * *

**~END:** SEND IN THAT FANMAIL! Seriously guys. Ideas are welcome as well, mostly because I've just depleted most of my stock with this chapter, and I need more! So send 'em in!


	5. OHMIGOD CABBAGE

Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers

**~INTRO:** Sorry, guys, but I'm gonna be disappearing for two weeks, cause next week I'm going to DISNEYLAND with our Orchestra. But I felt obligated to make up the next chapter for ya's!

And in accordance to Omegalus' question, 'I wanna know how hard is it? To incorporate someone's ideas into your fic' (or something along those lines MEHHHHHH) let me tell you, it varies. Depending on the suggestions made and stuff. Like, if no specific details are given, then I'll be makin it up as I go along! However, if it's not vague, or a small detail is given (I believe Omegalus himself-dammit, I hope you're a guy-asked for a pink frilly dress as the new Drive Form) it usually gets my creative juices flowing. However, some of the things in this chapter (most of the ones by Absolhunter, in fact) had a mini storyline that I modified only a little.

AND there're two BIIIIIG announcement at the end of the chapter, SO MAKE SURE YOU FUGGIN' READ 'EM, GUYS!!!! Other than that, YOJNE!

**~SPECIAL THANKS TO:** Manwathiel for sending in fanmail!

**~DISCLAIMER:** Don't sue me, I'm funny.

**~WARNINGS:** We're hittin' part 2 here guys! So we have a new opening! Random cameos from random places, and more bishie bad stuff. It's bound to happen.

Chapter Five  
Omigod CABBAGES

-Part 2 Opening-  
-A Warning from the Authoress-

"Guuuuuuuys." Sora67 came barreling into the Burger King and stopped at the front counter. "There's a new movie out!"

"Ooh! Is it Harry Potter 6?"

"…That's in fall Blue…. But seriously… I don't know whether to kill the creators or myself!"

"That bad eh?"

"It's worse than a Naruto/One Piece/Death Note cross over."

"Oh…bad."

"Yeah… It's called Kingdom Hearts: The Movie."

Cloud scowled and threw BlueFox's copy of Breaking Dawn at Sora67, because we all know that's all Breaking Dawn is useful for.

"Kidding! Actually, it's a DBZ movie."

"Oh no… say it isn't so…" AC gasped.

"Oh yes…DragonBall: Evolution."

"I guess DBZ just doesn't know how to die," BlueFox sighed, logging onto her e-mail account from AC's laptop. She noticed she had around 200 fanfiction e-mails. Persistent s. "Sonuva Moogle, they're all the same."

"What do they say?" AC looked over curiously.

'Don't you know Blooper stories are against the rules? They're gonna get deleted.'

"What the hell? This story's gonna get deleted?!" Chaos paled.

"According to the rules, blooper stories aren't allowed on the site… And I have 2 of them."

"So…they're gonna get deleted…unless you delete them first."

"HELLZ NO. Because I protest the greater of society. Victim of website dictators I am NOT. I am the last of the Blooper writers! And stand shamefully and lazily I (censored) will! To hell with rules! I won't delete my story just because it's breaking the rules, you s. That's what moderators are for. I, in this Bloopers story, exist to demean the characters and make them feel small and insignificant. My goal in this story is to not give a . So what do you have to say about that?!"

PING! BlueFox received a new PM from someone after her shouting at the computer, and she opened it.

'…Can you help me in World of Warcraft?'

Click, said the mouse as it exited the page.

"World of Warcraft is the end of Internet conversationalism."

"That isn't a word BlueFox."

"To hell with you, Matt!" BlueFox threw a cabbage at Matt, knocking his game into the oil where French Fries were deep-fried.

-Why, Mother?-  
(From One-Winged-Chaos)  
(It's an outdated joke, I KNOW)

Xemnas was backstage, sitting on a box and swinging his legs as he held in his hands a word puzzle. Nibbling on the pencil he reread the instructions: "See how many words you can come up with from –Xemnas-!"

He's already come up with men, sax, man, …

Wait…

Xemnas reread the two words he had left come up with.

"Why, Mother?!" He whimpered and burst into tears.

-Cabbage…Bomb?-  
-In Halloweentown-  
(From Absolhunter)

"Waaaait…" Sora shook his head, blinking his unhidden eyes in an effort to find a way through his disbelieving daze. "You want to…hide a …in St. Patrick's Square?"

Jack Skellington nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! But, young man, it's not ANY kind of !"

"Err…" Riku scratched the back of his head, in full-on Dark Form to accommodate the world. "What…kind of …is it?"

"A CABBAGE !"

This was met with a loooooooong pause.

"A…cabbage ?"

"YES!"

Riku performed a facepalm. "You suck, I'm outta here."

He turned and left, Sora and an angel-wing clad Kairi following.

-Battle With the Heartless-  
-The Dark Depths, KH2-

Sora was unwilling to fight, all he was doing was dodging and blocking. He couldn't use the Keyblade…why? It would just be playing into Organization XIII's hands…

Suddenly, a beautifully fragrant smell reached his nose amidst the fighting and his companion's stench, and he looked over to see BlueFox, AC, and Chaos up on the cliffs, eating a…

"PIE?!" Sora shrieked, eyes going impossibly wide. "Shit, they have PIE?!"

BlueFox: *looks down* Yes, Sora, we have PIIIIIIEEEEEE! *licks fingers*

Chaos: It's cheeerrrrryyyyy! *cuts another piece*

All: *taunting* Mmmmmmmmm…

Tetsuya: Get your arses down here and give me some pie! And cut!

Take 2

Sora was unwilling to fight, all he was doing was dodging and blocking. He couldn't use the Keyblade…why? It would just be playing into Organization XIII's hands…

Suddenly, something green and round smacked into a Heartless' head and killed it. Sora looked up.

"OHMIGOD! CABBAGES!" He ran off, screaming, Donald and Goofy obediently following. So did the Heartless, as thousands upon thousands of cabbages rained down from the skies.

Chaos: Why…are noodles being tossed, too?

BlueFox: No time to explain iCarly, just RUUUUUUNNNNN! *takes off*

-Randomness is Fun-  
-Re:CoM Opening/Ending Scenes-  
(From Absolhunter)

Sora was walking with his hands behind his head, Donald and Goofy walking silently behind him. It was a quiet scene, and it was going smoothly, until they came to the place where Pluto was supposed to come out.

But he didn't.

ROARRRRRR! (Translation, "ROAR, BIATCHES!!")

Cerberus flew out from behind the boulder, snarling and throwing and huge droplets of spit all over Sora and co.

0_0 was the first reaction, followed by, "NYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" as the whole group turned and ran for the hills, AKA backstage.

As Cerberus passed, AC threw a cabbage at him and took off as a diversion.

Sora67: Damn, she's a brave one.

Take 2

This time it was Riku walking out of Castle Oblivion, with Mickey at his side, and when they got to the fork in the road…

ROARRRRRR! (Translation, "ROAR, BIATCHES!!")

Cerberus flew out from behind the boulder, snarling and throwing and huge droplets of spit all over the pair.

*blink, blink* was the first reaction, followed by Riku and Mickey pulling a bunch of cabbages out from underneath their cloaks and proceeded to traumatize the three headed dog (not to mention the viewers) by pelting him with the vegetable.

BlueFox: *looking away* Ugh, Ireland's gonna run out of their favorite veggie by the time this chapter's over… *sees a in goggles, rolling around and laughing* Okay, Matt, it's not that funny.

There's a tap on her shoulder. "I'm right here," Matt from Note told her, having not looked up from his game.

BlueFox: Dammit, Reno!

"I'm not Reno!"

BlueFox: AXEL! RENO! AXEL! RENO! AXEL!

"I'm only joking, I am Reno!" Reno ran for the FF7 set as BlueFox followed in a lust.

-Our (insert embarrassing word here) are Gone!-  
-From KH2-  
(From Dancin' Dani 11)

Pence grabbed at his neck, looking confused. Olette gasped. "You can't say – why not?"

"But you understand what I'm saying, right?" asked Pence. "Our – are gone!"

"Stolen…" Roxas brought his hand up to his chin in thought. He wondered if he could experiment with this… "And not just the –, but the word –spleen-…too…?"

BlueFox: *falls out of chair, laughing*

Tetsuya: Spleen?!

Take 2

BlueFox was, admittedly, still giggling after the previous blooper, but she tried to refrain as the scene continued.

"Stolen… And not just –, but the word –KHcheatcodes-, aww …"

Tetsuya: No wonder why you guys all knew what happened next.

Sora67: Send me a copy of –KHcheatcodes-, wouldja?

-The Pinky Swear-  
-CoM-  
(From Nightgazer13 and Absolhunter)

(Note: I don't know the dialogue, so I'm makin' it up!)

Sora held up his pinky to Naminé. "Pinky swear on it."

Naminé giggled. "Okay." She held up her pinky to curl it with Sora's, till he said, "Awww, screw it!"

Suddenly, he grabbed both sides of her face and crushed their lips together.

BlueFox: Ahhh, one of the few het pairings I like of KH…

"NOOOOOO!" shrieked a voice from behind BlueFox. Everyone turned to see Kairi and Roxas both, flaming red, before they took off for the pair. Kairi summoned that flowery, , Sweet Memories-ripoff Keyblade and attacked Naminé while a huge fight ensued between Sora and Roxas.

In the background, Link could be seen following Ganon carrying off Zelda while Navi shrieked at him, "NO NO NO LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN!" before an irate blond chocoholic by the name of Mello shot the damn thing, and a purple-haired boy by the name of Yuki Sohma waved at the camera, calling out, "Hello, Ms. Honda!" before getting yelled at by a carrot-top teen named Kyo. As fight after fight ensued, Cerberus ran by, still being pelted with cabbages from Riku and Mickey, and along with those three came the set for Sora vs. Marluxia final battle.

Tetsuya: CU-

AC: NO! This is quality entertainment, let go while it lasts you faggot!

Chaos: Such language, AC.

BlueFox: *laughing so hard tears stream from eyes* I'm getting a lot of mileage out of this one! Woooooo~!

Suddenly Sora broke away from Roxas just as an incredibly smashed-looking Marluxia stumbled onstage, holding an incredibly fake, made-of-cheap-plastic scythe, and Sora quickly pulled out his copy of the KH Cheats book, and raised his entirely-real Keyblade, which sent poor Marly into a screaming fit. The two of them went to all of the sets before finally coming to Port Royal, where, low and behold, Sora trips on the rope, his Keyblade went wide, hit the rope on one of the cannons at the right angle and then…

BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

When the smoke finally cleared, Tetsuya buried his hands in his hair.

Tetsuya: I am not cut out for this job.

Sora67: Believe it or not, that's how a usual day at work goes here.

BlueFox: *shaking soot from her hair* Well, you guys have fun cleaning this up! I'm off to Disneyland! *quickly runs out*

-Fanmail-

Sora67: YAY! We have more fanmail! *waves envelope around*

AC: Well, read the damn thing already.

BlueFox: Yeah, I need to be at the school in like 10 minutes!

Sora67: Okay, okay, GEEZ! Ahem. 'To Sora: HAHA MAN . Don't worry, I'm sure you look great in a seashell bra.'

Everyone: *s ing*

Sora covers his chest up as best he can. "Guuuys, it's not a laughing matter! It's a serious condition!"

AC: HE-SHE!

Chaos: HE-WOMAN!

"GUUUUUYYYYYYYS!!!" Sora wailed, burying his head in his hands.

AC: Gimme the next one! * es paper* 'To Axel: I hope you get over your nonexistent illness soon. I love you. Will you marry me? I will give you many sons. o__o'

Everyone: o__o

Axel looked up from where he was reading the prescribed dose of Advil to take for his raging nonexistent headache. "Dis Manwathiel, ith a gurl, righ'?" came the slaughtered sentence from his mouth.

BlueFox: I'm sure…because men can't get pregnant…right?

AC: Manwathiel, we are not trying to sound condescending when we say this: If you are a male, stop reading the mpreg stories, and possibly go seek help.

Axel sniffled as he downed the two prescribed Advil. "An' if yer femle…*sniff, sniff* Tanks fer wishin' me well, an' lovin' me…but nah, I wun marry you."

BlueFox: Don't sue us…and please don't burst into tears or something. That's the last thing we need. *takes paper* I'll read the last question, because… *looks at watch* , I've got FIVE minutes before I go! *speedreads* ' sawyoufallingtoyourdeath,'repretty. Hee.

Roxas scratched his head, glancing around. "Errr…thanks?" he kind of asked. He hadn't heard the entire question due to the speed-reading.

BlueFox: WELL! I've gotta go! *turns to go* But one last thing! WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT FROM DISNEYLAND?! *runs before anyone has the chance to answer*

Chaos: *raises hand* I've got a question!

Sora67: Well, the rest of us will try to answer it to the best of our abilities.

Chaos: *looks at Sora and Riku* So, guys, when's the wedding? *waggles eyebrows cheesily*

Both boys went really red in the face and Riku stamped his foot. "Dammit, Chaos, we're straight!"

Chaos: Need I bring up the ass incident…?

Sora and Riku were silent as the others s ed.

* * *

**~END:** …Wow, this chapter seems very…bland to me at the moment. Meh, I'll leave it up to you guys as to if it was funny or not. And I'm serious guys, what do you want from Disneyland? Figuratively, of course. Next chapter I'm giving out review prizes for things like 'funniest review' 'longest review' 'first reviewer' etc etc. So in your review, you've gotta let me know what ya want from Disneyland so that I can figuratively get it to you.

NOT only that, but the next chapter is an OC chapter. (The form for your OCs is over in FF7 Bloopers, the Top Ten Sephy chapter, I believe.) Fill it out and send it to me, and add these things at the end:

**Ride You Want to Go On:  
Who You Go On the Ride With:  
Random Anime Character You Want to Pop Up:**

And anything else. If you can't already tell, the next chapter is a Disneyland themed chapter, so expect it to be BIG.

**~ANNOUNCEMENT 1:** It's true, this story just might get taken off ffnet because they're prejudiced against humorous stories such as this. HOWEVER! I will not be put down so easily! If this story does get taken down, it will be pretty much immediately posted on deviantart and MediaMiner! I will write this story, whether I die trying or NOT!

**~ANNOUNCEMENT 2:** Omegalus came up with a fantastic idea that I cannot possibly do alone. He wants a chapter that includes a 'Yo Mamma' fight between Sephy and Cloud. Well, I've decided to expand on that. The 'Yo Mamma' chapter will be the final chapter of this fic (probably 20, like FF7 bloopers) and I'm leaving it up to YOU guys to send in 'yo mamma' jokes for ANYONE and ANY SITUATION that takes place in KH. Because seriously, I'm no good at 'yo mamma' jokes, so I'm relying on you guys.

I expect LOOOOOONG-ass reviews for this chapter, and a heaping helping of them, too. DON'T DISAPPOINT ME!!! And the usual, send in fanmail, ideas, and comments! Cause if you don't, cabbages will rain from the sky and beat you into the ground!


	6. O HAI Guys

Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers

* * *

Ohai you guys… Sorry, but despite what I said in the previous chapter, there is no Disneyland themed chapter for this fic. Nor is this even a chapter. I apologize for getting your hopes up that your character might've gotten able to be with your fave KH characters in Disneyland, but, well, I just couldn't do it.

And trust me, I have a LOT of good excuses. 1: I haven't had a decent chocolate intake in A WEEK. Yeah dammit, I'm a chocoholic (which would probably be why I have such an affinity to Mello of Note, BUT…), and when I don't get my chocolate, I get a chocolate-deprivation headache, or in simpler terms, I get a migraine. So pretty much near the end of the trip I was a bitch. I'm not gonna lie. Seriously, the ONLY chocolate intake I had in the past week was a Butterfinger. And there's barely any chocolate on it!

2: You try sitting on the crowded Le Bus I did for 14 hours straight, get no sleep, play on and off, and then ride home in the same bus with the same people for another 14 hours straight. *eye twitch* It is not healthy to be around anyone, even if it's your friends, for THAT LONG.

3: My friend, who I will refer to as Clypto to hide his true identity, dragged me all over both California Adventure and Disneyland for 15 hours. Yeah. FIFTEEN. That's how much time our school had to explore Disneyland. In fact, my legs still send vibrations of pain up and through them every time I take a (censored) step. It's painful trying to walk the halls of school without limping and wincing the entire time.

And trust me, there's a lot more. But all in all, I'm sore and I'm so tired I'm actually falling into a doze in my classes, which I _never_ do, no matter how tired. So yeah. Again, sorry for getting your hopes up (even though only 2 of you sent them in…), and I suppose I'll see you guys next time, provided ffnet doesn't decide to delete the fic because it is now both a blooper story and has an AN chapter.

No matter. If you want to see a detailed report of my trip to the Anaheim Heritage Festivals held at Disneyland, visit my profile at deviantart: www(dot)bluefoxofwater1569(dot)deviantart(dot)com. You can also find a link in my profile.

~BlueFox~

PS: Is it just me, or are a lot of the popular websites, like ffnet and deviantart, automatically censoring us? I've noticed for keywords on my stuff on DA, 'vampire' and 'death' get taken out. So do the words and 'girl' On my profile here, 'girl,' 'death,' have been censored (though I CAN understand the last two…). I mean, WTF?


	7. Disneyland and California Adventure

Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers

**~INTRO: **I feel that this chapter is MUCH overdue… It's been longer in waiting than Blind Soul and Whisper's chapters. Eh heh heh heh… But my brain was kind of…sucked…of humoristic (is that a word? Oh well, it is now!) ideas for bloopers. THAT coupled with the fact that it's been raining almost nonstop for the past TWO WEEKS here has put a damper on many, many things…

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! Remember that thing I told you guys to fill out last chapter, with the whole Disneyland thingie? Welllllll, I still want you to fill them out (ignoring the Blooper disc question) because at the end of this fic we are throwing a party at an amusement park of your choice (I'll have the poll up sometime today for you to choose) and everyone's invited! So long as you… get your forms in by the end of this month! Any that come in after June 30 WILL BE DENIED. And for the three of you who have already sent in forms (you know who you are *wink*) you are the VIP guests! I'll contact each of you personally about what that means.

Anyway, I feel I should give you guys a Disneyland chapter after promising you one… So, after digging around in my brain for memories and looking at pictures and all that fun stuff, I bring you a long-ass chapter divided into 3 parts. The Roxas and Axel part, the Riku and Sora part, and finally… the Zexion and Demyx part! Because I owe you guys more Zexion than I've been giving you. So… REVIEW!

**~DISCLAIMER:** Don't sue me, I'm funny.

**~WARNINGS: **Unintentionally slight implications of yaoi *shifty eyes* and traumatizing experiences for the bishies. But they'll get over it.

**Chapter Six  
The Disneyland/California Adventure Chapter**

**-Axel and Roxas-**

What he hated most about this rotten place was not the small children running about, or the rides that scared him half to death- no, it was the fact that the California was muggy **and** that the amusement park was so ridiculously large. Oh, and the fact that he was paired up with his best friend who thought he had benefits, of course. None the less, he found some energy to enjoy himself on all the rides, even the ones that he was afraid of because of their height. However, he never felt afraid of a ride because of its height- that is, unless he sat in the front on a roller coaster that had steep hills- he was always propelled by adrenaline to drag his stalker of a friend on the fastest rides.

As of current, he was standing, miserable, in line for a ride that he always felt like he could go on, exhilarated or not. Space Mountain. Hell, his only fear about this ride was sticking his hands in the air- it was so dark that he would probably smack his limbs into a random plank of wood that held the roller coaster together. He impatiently tapped his foot on the cement floor- which, to his great amusement, was bothering his stalker friend- as they waited to get inside the air conditioned part of the ride. His fingers were twitching at his sides, a sign that he adrenaline rush was slowly depleting.

"The hell," he droned, clenching and unclenching his twitching hands. His stalker friend raised an eyebrow. "Why does this ride have to be so popular?" the blond snarled as his companion chuckled and crossed his arms.

"If it wasn't popular, than you probably wouldn't want to be riding it either, would you?" Axel asked in a bored tone. Roxas stared at his companion and then shrugged, seeing as the redhead had a point. He shoved his hand in his pocket and withdrew a lollipop. "Ugh…." he looked up from unwrapping the candy at the Flurry of Dancing Flames in confusion.

"Something the matter?" he asked, shoving the lollipop into his mouth.

"Nothing…"

****

Later…

"Why is it that you always pick the ride that _everyone_ wants to go on?" Axel hissed, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. Roxas merely shrugged.

"Maybe cause I like all the cool rides? Y'know, the fast ones and stuff?" he waved his arms, then wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Though, I must admit, it's absolutely _dreadful_ out here… good thing we're going on the log ride, ne?" Axel glared when he grinned.

"We are _so_ getting food after this," the redhead announced, crossing his arms. Roxas shrugged again, agreeing.

****

California Adventure…

This was, by far, the worst part that they'd had on their trip. For a moment, the blond dearly wanted a fan. But alas, he was almost broke, and he needed Munny for food on the way back home. Fanning himself with his hand, Roxas hopped back and forth from each foot.

"Why-why're we going on this one again?" he asked, laughing nervously as he stared up at the large ride.

"Afraid?" Axel teased.

"NO!" Roxas yelled, catching the eyes of a few people. He looked around for a moment, and then noticed. "HEY WAIT! Why are you not coming with me!?" he shouted, flailing his arms.

"You think I'm going on the ones that move?" Roxas froze in his spot, his sweat turning cold.

"T-th-the ones that m-mo-move?" he stuttered, eyes wide. Axel smirked, running his hands through his spikes and nodded. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" he shouted. After being told to shut up, Roxas was forced into a moving car. Alone. Axel boarded the still car behind him. Glaring and clutching at the cage, Roxas sat, frightened, in the swaying Ferris Wheel car as it began its journey up.

"Try not to cry, Roxy!" he heard Axel call from his car below him. He grit his teeth.

"(Censored)-" and at that moment, the car lurched forward, and Roxas was sent into the other side of the car. "YOU!?" he screamed, clutching the back as the car swung backwards. He heard Axel's recognizable laughing below him. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" he claimed again, trying to calm his nerves.

"If they can pry you off that cage!" Axel shouted back, still laughing insanely. Roxas grumbled something and let go, then went back to clinging because he began to move up further.

"(Censored), (censored), (censored)!" he whispered, trying to calm himself still. As he neared the top, Roxas was almost used to the lurching of his car. He glanced out of the car and tilted his head to the side. "I bet it'd be pretty when it's dark…" he murmured. The car began to make its way down, and Roxas sighed in relief. However, once the car lurched again, he was thrown back to the other side of it, because he had not been frantically clutching at the cage.

"Oh? You're still alive!" he heard Axel chortle, and he seethed.

"Shut the hell up!" he called to the other teen. As he got to the bottom, he was fully relieved… until they didn't stop. "WHAT!? NO!" he screamed, grabbing the cage again.

"What? Don't you know that Ferris Wheels go around twice?" Axel managed over his chuckles.

"YOU ARE SO DEAD."

****

-Riku and Sora-

"God this is too nerve-wracking…!" the brunet practically shouted, bouncing in place. However, his silver-haired friend was not as hyped up to go on the ride. He was still catching his breath, having been dragged across the park by a running Sora. Running a hand through his hair, the older teen glared at Sora.

"Did you have to run, Sora?" he asked, his glaring not lightening one bit as the line moved forward. They were fairly close to the front. His only response was a grin from the adrenaline-rush-powered brunet. He had already peeled off his short-sleeved black jacket to reveal the shirt underneath. Riku shook his head slightly and almost tripped when Sora dragged him into the roller coaster's car.

"This one's fun, Riku! It's really fast!" the overly excited Keyblade-wielder chirped as he almost crushed them both under the safety bar. Riku paused.

"Fast?" However, his fear was left in the dust as they rocketed off in the train-car. Upon instinct, the older gripped the younger's arm, while the other squealed with laughter. The ride was like a flash before Riku's eyes, and soon they were getting off. He was shaking slightly, and Sora had to help him off.

"Let's go again!" the red head shouted gleefully, dragging an unwilling Riku back in line.

****

Later…

"Don't worry Riku, this one's reeeaaally slooooow…" Sora groaned as they stood a few feet away from where the line started.

"Holy- this line's frikkin long!" Riku shouted, pointing at the long line.

"That's okay, because it's worth it!" Sora chirped, dragging him into the line. Riku shrugged- it would be a little nice. After all, he would get to dry off- the Pirates of the Caribbean ride had gotten him particularly soaked.

"Wait, what's this one called again?" Riku had asked after about thirty minutes of waiting. The line was still pa-retty long.

"Splash Mountain," the brunet droned, all his adrenaline vanished. He could really use some cotton candy. Or a bar of Sea-Salt Ice Cream. But oh well. The line began to move again, and he jumped off his perch on a rock and moved forward. "Why is this line so long?" he whined.

"It's popul- wait, did you say **SPLASH**?" Riku groaned. "You mean we're getting **WET** again?"

"Oh, don't be a pansy, Riku. It's fun!" he chirped. Riku sighed and moved forward with Sora.

After getting on the ride, Riku found that he didn't really want to go on this ride anymore. The seats were soaked. However, he would deal with it. It's not like he wasn't already still a little wet. The ride was slow, and he liked that, he had to admit. But then…

"AH!! What the hell is this!?" he heard Sora scream and looked up from staring at his shoes. Music filled his now unclogged ears and a horrific sight filled his eyes. He didn't know if it was out of fear of the singing, mechanical animals, or if it was because of Sora's alarmed scream, but he found himself screaming along with him. This part of the ride was long… and painful… and full of the two screaming. However, the singing got farther away, and they were steadily going up.

"What's going on?" he whispered into Sora's ear, who was directly in front of him.

"It's time for the drop," Sora chuckled. Riku blinked. Drop? What drop? They got to the top of the hill, and Riku looked down. Oh. That drop.

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"_

Riku's scream was louder than anyone else's.****

California Adventure…

"This one, Riku! THIS ONE!" Once again, Riku found himself being dragged across a theme park by an adrenaline-rush-powered Sora. After catching his breath, he looked at the ride. Holy…

"Hell no," he stated bluntly, crossing his arms and stepping back.

"Oh _COME ON_ Riku! It's super fun!" Sora urged, jumping up and down.

"It goes upside down, and it's fast. I'm not going-" However, Sora grabbed his hand and ran through the line. "-ON!?" by the time Sora slowed down, they were already near the front of the line. "I'm going to kill you, Sora," he managed through his teeth.

"Not if I kill you first, Riku," the brunet replied in a singsong voice. As they got to the front, they were directed-

"Oh." Riku's face was contorted in terror. They were going to sit in the front. He shook while they waited, deathly afraid that he was going to die.

Before he could react, Sora was pushing him into the seat. The silver-haired teen fearfully brought down the harness and clutched at it for life. Sora, on the other hand, slowly brought his down and sat there, grinning like an idiot. The ride hissed, and they were off… rather slowly. After getting misted with water, Riku shook his head and opened his eyes. In front of him was a long trail, and then a steep hill. Oh fun.

"Five…" he heard a voice say.

"What? There's a countdown?" On his side, Sora only grinned.

_"ONE!" _the brunet screamed as they shot off at a fast pace. Riku screamed on instinct and clutched the harness tighter. They got to the top of the hill, and Riku looked down.

_"HOLY SHIT!"_ he cried as they shot down the hill.

After the ride, Riku was shaking, again, and clutching on to Sora for support.

"Riku, you're lame."

"Shut. Up. Sora."

****

-Zexion and Demyx-

It was midday when Zexion and Demyx were dropped off at Disneyland/California Adventure and they walked into California Adventure first, Demyx smiling and Zexion scowling. The main walkway was lined with countless stores and shops and an insane amount of people, and behind those, all crammed into various themed areas, were the rides.

Zexion stared up at a daunting hotel-like tower and held back a shudder. Not far from that was an equally-frightening Ferris Wheel and some extra rides.

"Let's go on the Ferris Wheel!" Demyx said, grabbing Zexion's hand and pulling him toward it.

"My other had a damaging childhood experience involving a Ferris Wheel, Demyx. I do not wish to relive it. However," Zexion said, walking toward a stand with some lollipops, "I _would_ like a snack."

"Hey!"

Zexion approached the candy stand and pointed at a large grape-flavored lollipop. "That one," he said to the worker.

"Zexion, are you going to go on anything? I don't want to stand around and watch the rides," Demyx said.

Zexion paid for the candy. "Do you like games?"

"…Yes."

"Then we will participate in-"

"Hey, you guys seem like a strange pair to be traipsing around here. What gives?" came a sudden voice.

The pair looked at the vendor, who was handing Zexion his change.

Zexion pointed at Demyx. "He is under the impression that he is a cat. I am psychoanalyzing him and restraining him. You see, he is prone to fits of scratching and hissing," he said factually, and the man stepped back with wide eyes.

Demyx blinked rapidly as he was pulled away from the booth, registering what Zexion had just said about him.

"I'm a cat boy now, Zex?"

"Yes. Though I think it's going to take quite a bit to get you to purr."

Zexion unwrapped his candy and began sucking on it quite noisily, and Demyx was about to comment when they heard gunfire come from one of the game booths.

Demyx tensed up immediately, but looked over and saw that it was a target shooting game. Fake handguns were given to the player and they shot out tiny pellets at plastic ducks behind glass.

"Do you want to attempt that activity?"

The Melodious Nocturne shook his head. "I can't shoot a gun. Why don't you do it?"

Zexion considered it for a moment, slurping thoughtfully on his candy, before he nodded and led Demyx over to the game.

The attendant's eyebrows raised when he saw emo Zexion come striding up with his lollipop to wait behind the man who was currently shooting.

"Are you going to shoot?" he boomed out to Zexion over the popping of the pellets in the background.

"Yes."

"Got it!" the shooting man said, slamming the gun down. He had successfully knocked over one duck. The attendant handed him a tiny, oblong stuffed bear and he gave it to his girlfriend, who squealed over it and kissed him.

_Interesting reaction,_ Zexion thought, and he looked at Demyx curiously.

"Step up here, buddy. We don't have all day."

Zexion nodded and, after giving the man his money, he picked up the gun very carefully between his thumb and index finger. He held the lollipop in his mouth and leaned against the counter with his free hand.

The worker laughed heartily. "There's no way you're going to get any ducks holding it like that," he scoffed. "You gotta hold it like-"

Without a word, Zexion flipped the gun into the right position, and shot.

__

BANG. BANG. BANG.

Down went the ducks, one by one, as Zexion aimed and shot each of them right in the middle of their painted on bull's-eyes. Soon enough, all fifty of them had been knocked down.

Demyx grinned at the crowd that had formed around Zexion and patted his companion on the back.

The attendant stared. "Uh…Um, sir…which prize would you like?" he stuttered out, gesturing at the gigantic stuffed toys hanging on the sidewall of the booth. "You…um, you obviously qualify for the largest size, since you only had to hit seven for that…"

Zexion sucked on his candy for a few moments and considered his choices. There were dogs, cats, large plush hearts, bears…

And in the corner, he saw the one he wanted.

"I would like that chocobo."

The man frowned, still in shock. "What?"

"I want the chocobo," Zexion repeated, pointing at his requested prize.

"Oh, okay…" The man wrenched it down from the wall and handed it over to Zexion, who took it and walked off.

"Thank you!" Demyx called back to the bewildered attendant.

Zexion made his way over to a trash can and threw out his lollipop stick, then examined his chocobo. It was about Demyx's size, had large, cartoon-like eyes, and had an overly-long neck.

"I do not know which version this is modeled after," Zexion said finally.

"You deserve it, though. I've never seen anyone shoot like that! Not even Xigbar!"

Zexion turned toward Demyx and held the toy out. "Would you like to accept ownership of this chocobo?" he asked.

"You're giving it to me?"

"I have no use for such a thing."

"Then why did you play-" But Demyx was cut off when Zexion shoved the chocobo at him.

He took it with a grin.

****

Later…

"Will you go on the Ferris Wheel now?"

"No."

"Fine." Demyx adjusted his chocobo and stared at the rides with a sigh. He spotted the Soarin Over California ride and nodded toward it. "Will you go on that?"

"…I _suppose_ so."

Demyx had to leave his prize up with one of the attendants and he and Zexion squeezed into the third and fourth seats of the second row. The guy who they had seen shooting earlier was in front of them with his girlfriend.

"Demyx, would you scoot your hips over?"

"Will you not comment on my not-as-small-as-Axel's hips?!"

The girl turned around and shot Demyx a strange look.

"What are _you_ looking at?" he snapped, and she whirled back around hurriedly. Demyx then attempted to shift to the side to give Zexion his precious space.

"Hey, man. Have you got a problem with my girl?" the man in front of them said, suddenly turning around.

Demyx jerked his head up. "_What?_" he hissed, eyes narrowed.

Zexion sighed and closed his eyes (or eye, whichever you prefer). _He's going to get into an argument with that man…_

"I said, have you-"

"I heard you, you ignorant jackass! And no, I don't have a problem with your _girl_. I simply don't like people _gawking _at me."

The ride jerked forward and they were off over California. Music played in huge speakers that had the sound echo in the big room.

The recording was extremely loud, which irritated Demyx even more.

"She wasn't staring at you!" the man exclaimed.

"Yes she was!"

"Why the hell would she stare at you?"

"Maybe she didn't want to look at _your_ offensive countenance."

The guy snarled and twisted around a bit more. "Look, are you some kinda smart ass?"

"_Ob_viously I'm of superior intelligence than you," Demyx drawled, with a little hair flip.

Zexion watched the argument and the huge screen of California both at the same time.

"Will you two knock it off?" the girl interjected, not turning around.

"Don't you get into it, bitch!" Demyx said.

"Don't insult my girlfriend!"

"What are you going to do about it?!"

"Look, why don't you just run off with your emo little boyfriend before I beat the living hell-"

__

WHAM!

****

And Then Some…

"Demyx, you are lucky that that man ran into the restroom instead of reporting you."

"He had it coming!" Demyx said, hugging his chocobo to him and walking over to the larger rides.

"That was a very forceful punch," Zexion muttered.

"He insulted you!"

They walked in silence for while, then Demyx saw it:

Hollywood Tower of Terror.

"I want to go on that!"

Zexion grimaced at the sight of the hotel-like structure he had spotted earlier. _I don't think so._

Demyx started off toward it, but soon stopped and turned back around. He saw Zexion merely staring at him.

"We can go on it together, you know."

Zexion shook his head. "I am not going on it. I am merely going to wait here so you may ride it," he said quietly.

"I don't want to go alone. Come with me." Demyx gave a pout.

"I have told you a million times that the 'pathetic, beaten puppy look' does not work on me!"

****

Following That…

"Welcome to the Hollywood Tower Hotel…"

"You owe me Demyx!"

Demyx smirked as the 'elevator' moved back and went up a level. Zexion was sitting next to him, knuckles white from clenching onto his armrests so tightly.

"Calm down, Zex!"

They were brought up to the top of the ride and the doors opened. Demyx and Zexion looked down.

Zexion blanched.

Demyx latched onto Zexion's arm.

Their picture was snapped.

They dropped.

People on the ground heard a distinct "YOU ARE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" being screamed from the Tower and looked at each other curiously.

****

Afterward…

"I hope you're satisfied Demyx."

Demyx nodded and smiled over at Zexion.

"You wanted to go on the Tower of Terror, and we did," Zexion mumbled. He sighed at his grinning friend and got his phone out. "I'll call BlueFox and tell her we're ready to go."

"Okay."

Zexion called BlueFox and grunted when he heard that the authoress was stuck in traffic. "Hmm. We'll wait for you in Downtown Disney, then."

Zexion led Demyx toward the entrance to Disneyland, where the Monorail would take them to Downtown Disney, but suddenly looked back and saw the Ferris Wheel. He looked over at Demyx, who was fussing with the chocobo's feathers.

__

Why am I doing this? I don't know.

"…Do you still wish to go on the Ferris Wheel?" he inquired.

The blond blinked, looking at Zexion. "Wh-? Oh, yes. You'll actually go on it?" Demyx responded.

"I believe I can repress my other's trauma for the time being."

****

Ferris Wheel…

They climbed into their gondola and sat in silence as they were slowly lifted into the dusk sky.

"Demyx?"

"…Hmm?"

"Scoot over."

"Oh. Of course."

Demyx moved over so he was sitting opposite of Zexion and he stared out at the city quietly for a while.

"…BlueFox is in traffic, then?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Guess Riku, Sora, Roxas, and Axel are stuck here, too."

Silence.

"Your hair is sticking up."

"Dammit." Demyx tried to flatten his hair, but the wind just picked up again and blew it around. Zexion's hair stayed stationary.

"Zex?"

A breath. "Yes?"

"Oh, um…You're a good shooter. A really good shooter. Probably better than Xigbar," Demyx mumbled, frowning down at his lap.

"I know."

"I know you know."

"So why did you say it?" Zexion asked, cocking his head to the side.

"To bring it to attention."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Not everything has a formula, Zexion!"

"No, you just have a very complicated formula!"

"I'm not complicated! Are you saying I'm _high maintenance_?!"

"Don't jump to conclusions!"

Demyx thrust the chocobo out to smack Zexion in the head with it, but Zexion put a foot up to block it and it landed with a "whump!" on the edge of the gondola.

"Catch it!" Demyx said, and they both jumped up to save it, but they were too late.

They watched as the chocobo spiraled down to the ground below and fell in the middle of a screaming crowd.

"Demyx, you lost your prize because of your clumsiness!"

"It's your fault!"

They threw themselves back in their seats and sat glaring until their gondola reached the ground. Once off, Demyx hunted down his chocobo and found it in the hands of some grubby little boys.

Demyx was fuming.

Zexion held Demyx back from pummeling the boys and went up to them. They looked at him nervously.

"It's the cat guy the vendor warned us about," one of them whispered, staring at Demyx.

"If you give me the chocobo, I will keep the cat-man I am restraining to from mauling you," Zexion said quietly.

The kids looked up at the looming emo man and released the toy.

"Now run."

They ran.

Zexion turned to Demyx. "You had better keep this in your possession."

"I will."

* * *

****

~END: IS ANYONE ELSE STOKED AND SLAP-HAPPY THAT KINGDOM HEARTS 358/2 DAYS IS COMING OUT THIS YEAR ON THE WII?!?!?!?! AND DISSIDIA: FINAL FANTASY IS COMING OUT ON AUGUST 25TH FOR PSP?!?!

God, I'm so happy for that… Even though I don't have a Wii… Oh well. And guys, the Zexion and Demyx one was longer for a reason. I wanted to prolong your exposure to Zexion because I have been leaving him out. And California Screamin, the ride Riku and Sora went on last, was one of the most traumatizing experiences of my LIFE.

Review! And send in the forms! And vote on the poll! Or… or… or… Demyx will drop a chocobo on your head! …Or somethin'…


	8. Off the Clock

Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers

**~INTRO:** Hey, readers reviewers and fans! Happy August! I've decided that after all this sad stuff happening in summer (celebrity deaths, nothing on TV, rain in Southeast USA, Obama being neglected in Russia, anything happening across seas I haven't seen on the news and neglect to mention…) you probably need a few laughs.

And guys, I NEED IDEAS! I honestly don't know where I got this chapter from… I think I took my brain out and squeezed it over a small bucket and STILL barely got anything from it. So please, please, please, PLEASE send stuff in! And don't say "go watch this video on YouTube" or something of that context… YouTube fecking sucks on my computer, and I don't want to sit there for an hour waiting for it to load.

And the last chapter, I got a comment about all the semes being the ones afraid. First of all, I have never seen Roxas as seme of the AkuRoku pairing. EVER. NEVER EVER. And second, SEMES ARE PEOPLE TOO! Don't forget that. And last, but not least, I've borrowed a few of you guys' for this chapter, and kept your screenames the same. If you don't like that I used you, let me know and I'll replace you.

Okay… Let's see what came out of my brain juices, shall we?

**~DISCLAIMER:** Don't sue me, I'm funny.

**~WARNINGS:** Rampant stupidity. No guys, FER SRS. Tifa-hate. And to fans of Matt from Death Note… I AM SO SORRY! *bows repeatedly*

Chapter Seven  
Off the Clock

**-Second Jobs-  
-With Xemnas and Special Guest: Matt-**

"Hi, um..." the nerd looked closely at Storm-Shadow's name tag "Mr.… Uh, Matt, I have a question."

"What do you have a problem with?"

"Well, it's about this game... I bought it a long time ago, see. And I have been a subscriber, and have played this game for well over 400 hours, and I'll be damned if I can actually find a plot in it... Or hell even a point or objective. LOL."

After he was done cringing from the fact that this person actually used LOL as spoken word, Matt spoke, "Video game ingrate-" He was cut off as he saw from the corner of his eye Xigbar pointing a gun at him from behind the Guidebook section. "Tch, not like you'll fire it..."

"What?"

"Oh, er uh, what is the game? Let me see it," and Matt mumbled something under his smoke-clouded breath to the effect of "you piece of Elephant shit."

"Here it is."

"Let's see... World of Warcraft... WoW... You bought this game yes?"

"Yes."

"And you expected a plot?"

"Yes. LOL."

He cringed again. "You expected there to be an actual point in the game other than it just draining ridiculous amounts of time and money out of your life?"

"Yes."

"You didn't by chance just move here from under a damn rock did you?"

A silent shot whizzed by Matt's head and he quickly changed the sentence.

"That is... Dear valued sir... MMORPG's have no point and no story. You see, they are intended for 35 year old failures to play in their basements while their 60 year old mothers pay for them to have a computer with a 600 dollar graphics card and T1 Internet connection."

"I see... Can I get a refund LOL?"

"No."

"O RLY?"

Storm-Shadow immediately thrust his hands on to the table and yelled "(Censored), YA RLY!"

"LOLZ. K."

Xigbar caught Matt in the side with a rubber bullet, thus making him make an embarrassing poot noise. Xemnas, who was on the phone with someone who got a joystick stuck up their ass, had to look up from his picture drawing and go, "Oh god! You know how small this desk is? NOT COOL, NOT COOL MAN!"

"That's it!" Matt stood on top of the front desk, tossed his cigarette out, and began to speak very loudly thus rendering the entire shop silent. "FANS SUCK! YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF STUPID PIG RAPER AND I HOPE YOU GET LARINGITUS, AIDS, HEMEROIDS, GENITAL HERPES, SYPHOLIS, TYPHUS, LUPUS, I HOPE LOCUSTS INVADE ALL OF YOU (Censored)'S HOUSES AND RAPE YOUR ASSES. AS A MATTER OF FACT, (Censored) YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YO- URK!" This time a real bullet caught Matt right square in the ass, he looked over at Xigbar, only Xigbar wasn't holding gun in hand.

"Why...why?"

"I'll not have you going on long speeches."

"But-" BANG "That was my foot you bastard!"

"Any more comments you'd like to add?" And Zexion put the gun to Matt's crotch.

"No, that'll be all," said the redhead in sign language, and he climbed down from the desk and resumed his job as normal.

"Tech support hotline, this is Xemnas, the butt of many jokes, speaking."

"Hi, I'm having some problems playing Half-Life 2 on my computer."

"Did you install it?"

"Yeah. LOL."

Xemnas cringed at the fact that for the fourth time today 'LOL' was used as spoken word. "Well... Um, did you check to see that ALL of the files installed properly?"

"Oh yeah dude, they are all there. Its like 6 gigs. OMG."

Another cringe bordering on an aneurysm. "Are you connected to the Internet? You have to be for the game to install."

"Yes I'm connected. LOL."

"Hm... Whats your connection speed?"

"LOL. 28k noob."

The silver-haired Superior felt a shiver run up and down his spine "Dare I ask... What kind of computer that is?"

"Why do you want to know? My computer is the 1337, it's a windows 94 fool. LOL."

"... You do know that Half-Life 2 came out way above 94 right?"

"Yeah."

"And you know that it takes a demon of a computer to run it anyway right?"

"And?"

"So... you need a new computer."

"O RLY? NYOWAI!"

Xemnas slammed his fist into the front desk and yelled into the phone "YA RLY, YES (Censored) WAI. JUST FOR THAT I'M ONE STEP CLOSER TO STAR WARSING YOUR GAY FUDGE-PACKIN STUPID ASS!" and with an even harder slam Xemnas slammed the phone. And together, he and Matt simply left the store, lighting their name tags on fire simultaneously. Xigbar tried to stop them at the door, but when he saw how sick they looked, he actually had pity on them.

**-Chatting on the Web-  
-Part I: The Characters-**

Moderator: _Maybe-I'm-a-Lion_ has entered the Chat Room.

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Is there anybody in here?

Moderator: _Sky-Blue Eyes_ has entered the room.

Sky-Blue Eyes: Hey, Leon. Get over you 'I'm a Celebrity' phase yet?

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Hell no! Did you see Daniel and Stephen mock Janice about the granola bar?! That was my favorite part!

Moderator: _KeyofDestiny_ has entered the room.

KeyofDestiny: Hey guys.

Sky-Blue Eyes: Is that you, Sora?

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Sora's the 'Key of Destiny'? lmao

KeyofDestiny: Morons! I'm Roxas!

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: I don't know. KeyofDestiny sounds like a hooker's name if you think about it.

Sky-Blue Eyes: Yeah, cause we all know Sora's a hooker…

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Well, there's a fanfic for it somewhere out there, I'm sure.

Sky-Blue Eyes: lol

KeyofDestiny: -fumes-

Moderator: _HunkaHunkaBURNIN3_ has entered the room.

HunkaHunkaBURNIN3: Hey it's A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?

Moderator: _KeyofDestiny_ has left the room.

Moderator: _KeyofDestiny_ has left a message: I hate your screename Axel!

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: lol. This is getting too funny. I love this chat room!

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Your name rocks Axel!

Sky-Blue Eyes: I wish I could use fire like you in this universe…

HunkaHunkaBURNIN3: -feral smile-

Sky-Blue Eyes: Hey wait a min. When does the supposedly dead Axel find time to chat with people like us?

HunkaHunkaBURNIN3: I'm not dead. I was just vacationing in Jamaica with Tupac, Santa Claus, and Elvis.

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: lol. Tell them I say hi.

Moderator: _KeyofDestiny_ has reentered the Chat Room.

KeyofDestiny: I hope you rot in hell Axel. You turd! You're such a vile, evil thing… its like you were born out of Satan's ass or something! HOW COULD YOU STAND ME UP LAST NIGHT?!

Sky-Blue Eyes: Looks like a yaoi lover's spat to me.

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Ooh! A chick fight! –munches on popcorn-

HunkaHunkaBURNIN3: WTF! Born out of Satan's ass! Are you on crack Roxas!

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: -falls to floor laughing-

KeyofDestiny: That wasn't what Demyx was saying to me last night Axel!

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: -dies laughing-

Sky-Blue Eyes: One only hopes Roxas is preparing for battle…

HunkaHunkaBURNIN3: You little brat! Is it my fault my other's heart was stolen in a car and causing traffic!

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: This is fecking awesome…

Moderator: _xCrush_Gurl_xLockhartx_ has entered the room.

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Hey, Tifa, what's up?

KeyofDestiny: Your other had their heart stolen in a car and was causing traffic?

xCrush_Gurl_xLockhartx: I wish you two would solve your yaoi lover spats somewhere else…like a million leagues under the sea…

HunkaHunkaBURNIN3: Oh shut up Tifa. –clears throat- Will you forgive me Roxas?

KeyofDestiny: …

xCrush_Gurl_xLockhartx: -coughcough- faggots…

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: lmao!

Sky-Blue Eyes: Shut up Cloud…

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: omg this is funny!

KeyofDestiny: -hugs Axel- I can never stay mad at you…

xCrush_Gurl_xLockhartx: Come on man! That's boring! I can't believe kids have to be suspect to this. Like Marlene. She was brought up to believe God's word. Roxas, don't ever ask to babysit Marlene again when Axel is around!

Sky-Blue Eyes: Who gives a damn about your religious intolerance Tifa!

KeyofDestiny: When did I ever ask to babysit Marlene? Who the hell is Marlene? And hello Tifa…

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: -dies laughing again-

Moderator: _KeyofDestiny_ has left the room.

Moderator: _HunkaHunkaBURNIN3_ has left the room.

Moderator: _HunkaHunkaBURNIN3_ has left a message: Screw you Tifa, you fugly bitch.

Moderator: _(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne_ has entered the room.

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: What I miss?

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: omg Demyx why didn't you come earlier!

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: I was watching American Idol. What happened?

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Axel called Tifa a fugly bitch and Cloud called her religiously intolerant! lmao!

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: lol!

xCrush_Gurl_xLockhartx: It's only because they are committing sins with their spats. It's disgustiung.

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: The more you fight, the more you care. Why are you so sqeamish now?

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Yeah, what's with the sudden 360?

Sky-Blue Eyes: Why are you being such a bitch, Tifa?

xCrush_Gurl_xLockhartx: Oh please! Of all the people that Roxas could have had it HAD to Axel! The 'Flurry of Dancing Flames' who threatened his freakin' life!

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: Well, he did say sorry for that.

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: lol! But he only said sorry to Roxas and not Sora…

Moderator: _VioletSky_ has entered the room.

VioletSky: Hey guys!

Sky-Blue Eyes: Riku, I've said it once and I'll say it again. WTF kind of girly name is that!

VioletSky: Look man… I'm borrowing Naminé's screename okay?

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Looks like all your hard work has paid off Riku!

VioletSky: What?

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: You're using her screename! And when I called you yesterday, you told me you were at her house!

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: Looks like Riku finally got some action…

VioletSky: Yea-no.

xCrush_Gurl_xLockhartx: What the hell is wrong with you guys! Did you ever go to church!

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Who has time?

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: What the hell is church?

VioletSky: Did the fact that I was consumed by darkness ever cross your mind? As if I can walk into a church all Dark Mode-y and go 'Praise the Lord!'

xCrush_Gurl_xLockhartx: Oh Lord…

Moderator: _xCrush_Gurl_xLockhartx_ has left the room.

Moderator: _KeyofDestiny_ has entered the room.

Moderator: _HunkaHunkaBURNIN3_ has entered the room.

HunkaHunkaBURNIN3: Has the fugly bitch left yet?

VioletSky: Yeah, she left saying something about some kinda church thing.

Moderator: _Riddle-Of-SteeL_ has entered the room.

Riddle-Of-SteeL: Hey guys… Axel, you were supposed to call me last night. ;)

KeyofDestiny: WTF!

HunkaHunkaBURNIN3: Wtf is church?

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: This has now become one of the most funniest love triangles ever.

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: Why don't the three of you just become a threesome instead of having Axel running back and forth between the two of you?

Sky-Blue Eyes: When did you become a love consultant Demyx?

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: Since my own love-life has been nonexistent. I guess you can call me Hitch.

KeyofDestiny: Axel! Why the hell is Marluxia here!

Riddle-Of-SteeL: I'M NOT MARLUXIA, INGRATE! I'm Larxene!

HunkaHunkaBURNIN3: … -.-;;;

KeyofDestiny: Don't give me that Axel! I want answers!

Riddle-Of-SteeL: Me too!

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: I need to start recording these things…

Moderator: _HunkaHunkaBURNIN3_ has left the room.

Riddle-Of-SteeL: Grr…

Moderator: _Riddle-Of-SteeL_ has left the room.

KeyofDestiny: I don't understand why he can't just love me and ONLY me? I mean, the other day, some guy from Bulgaria called and asked him if he had a great time the night before.

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Damn, Axel's a pimp.

VioletSky: Wtf is Bulgaria?

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: Riku, stop being such a dumbass and go read some books.

Moderator: _VioletSky_ has left the room.

Sky-Blue Eyes: -.-;; My God, Riku's an idiot.

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: Roxas, you should go talk to Larxene and Axel.

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Yeah, that guy from Bulgaria must be confusing Axel with someone else.

Sky-Blue Eyes: He's got a point. I know a friend who has a brother who knows a guy who has a cousin who has a sister who knows this guy that had red hair and looks exactly like Axel.

KeyofDestiny: But… I remember last week we were at the movies and he went to get popcorn…he didn't come back for about 20 min. And when we left the movie theater the guy at the concession stand winked at him!

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: -dies laughing again-

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: Shut up Leon. Maybe he was just taking a dump.

Sky-Blue Eyes: And maybe that guy just thought Axel was hot.

KeyofDestiny: I dunno what that was about…

Moderator: _KeyofDestiny_ has left the room.

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: Only time will tell what will happen to this little love triangle.

Sky-Blue Eyes: And I won't be here. My flight to Universal Studios is in an hour.

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: See ya later Cloud. Say hi to ET for me!

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: Didn't know Cloud liked Universal Studios. Have fun then.

Sky-Blue Eyes: I'll try.

Moderator: _Sky-Blue Eyes_ has left the room.

(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne: Hey Leon, is Gene Simmons on yet?

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Hold on let me check…

Maybe-I'm-a-Lion: Shit yeah it's on! See ya Dem!

Moderator: _Maybe-I'm-a-Lion_ has left the room.

Moderator: _(Notso)Melodious~Nocturne_ has left the room.

BlueFoxofWater1569: I'm telling you, I think Saïx is up to something.

ArmageddonChild: Then we should investigate!

BlueFoxofWater1569: Like how you investigated Tidus' room yesterday?

ArmageddonChild: -smiles sweetly-

BlueFoxofWater1569: -rolls eyes-

ArmageddonChild: -retaliates with Bambi Eyes-

BlueFoxofWater1569: -dies from Eyes- You cheated…

Moderator: _Zexion72_ has entered the room.

ArmageddonChild: All's fair in love and war, Blue.

Zexion72: That's the most worn out saying ever…

Moderator: _One-Winged-Chaos_ has entered the room.

ArmageddonChild: Shut up!

BlueFoxofWater1569: Hey guys. Did you know Saïx is a drug pusher?

One-Winged-Chaos: omg! lmao!

Zexion72: O_o… Whoa… where did that come from all of a sudden?

BlueFoxofWater1569: I saw him talking with some guys last week in the Dark City. Then I saw him give them something in a bag and they gave him some Munny.

One-Winged-Chaos: I always did wonder how he got hold of multitudes of sapphire club thingies…

Zexion72: lmao…this is hilarious, we gotta tell the others!

BlueFoxofWater1569: But Makru said she might not be here today.

One-Winged-Chaos: Why not?

BlueFoxofWater1569: She said something about Larxene and Axel and Roxas and watching a fight to the death with Omegalus…

ArmageddonChild: O-O

One-Winged-Chaos: Really?

Zexion72: Holy Hell, you're kidding? Roxas is gonna get his ass kicked…

ArmageddonChild: Hey guys, what's a fight to the death?

BlueFoxofWater1569: -.-

One-Winged-Chaos: omg! lol!

Zexion72: AC, there is a lot you need to learn.

One-Winged-Chaos: And Sephiroth is the perfect teacher!

BlueFoxofWater1569: NO! I will not allow that crazy bastard to touch my best friend! Now his brother Riku on the other hand…

Zexion72: wtf? Riku is related to Sephiroth?

BlueFoxofWater1569: DUH!

BlueFoxofWater1569: At least…I think so…

One-Winged-Chaos: I'm sure they are related. They both have silver hair.

ArmageddonChild: So? That doesn't mean anything.

Zexion72: But they're both ass strong when it comes to sword fighting.

BlueFoxofWater1569: Yeah, that's true. It took me 43 tries exactly the first time to beat Sephy-kuns in KH2 and Riku mauled me in KH1 in less than a minute.

ArmageddonChild: He kicked your ass good then.

BlueFoxofWater1569: Shut up AC!

One-Winged-Chaos: I don't know. There could be a possibility that they aren't related.

ArmageddonChild: Hey maybe his real father is Kuja. Both of them have that kind of ethereal beauty no one will ever match in a million years.

BlueFoxofWater1569: Except for Sesshomaru…

ArmageddonChild: Who the hell is Sesshomaru?

Moderator: _Omegalus_ has entered the room.

One-Winged-Chaos: Omegalus! You made it!

Omegalus: Sorry, I had other business to take care of.

ArmageddonChild: -gasps- Maybe Omegalus is a drug pusher too! After all, he was supposed to be watching a 'fight to the death' today!

One-Winged-Chaos: O.O

BlueFoxofWater1569: lol!

Zexion72: lmao!

Omegalus: DRUG PUSHER? What the hell AC! I don't know about Makru or Axel or Larxene, but I am not a drug pusher! And as for that 'fight to the death' thing, Larxene and Axel delivered Roxas his ass on a platter.

Zexion72: -snort- I told you.

BlueFoxofWater1569: Hey, unless Omegalus tells us details of the fight, they're now classified as drug pushers.

Zexion72: Omegalus, I expected better from you! Hang your head in shame!

ArmageddonChild: Oh well, that's life. Que sera sera.

Omegalus: All right! Axel used Firewall on him so his clothes burned off and Larxene electrocuted him and he's now unconscious and naked on the front steps of his house in Twilight Town!

ArmageddonChild: 0.0

One-Winged-Chaos: omg…

BlueFoxofWater1569: …'Kay, I didn't need to know that…

Zexion72: lol, hey you said you wanted to know the details.

Omegalus: Hmph, that's what you guys deserve.

Zexion72: This is the best online chat ever!

One-Winged-Chaos: Now we really have to tell Makru and Sora67 about this.

Moderator: _BlueFoxofWater1569_ has left the room.

Omegalus: Where'd BlueFox go?

ArmageddonChild: BlueFox! How could you leave me like that?

Zexion72: Don't worry AC, you can kick her ass later…

One-Winged-Chaos: Ha! This is hilarious!

ArmageddonChild: Hold on, someone's at the door…

One-Winged-Chaos: Hey, I went to go see Public Enemies on Friday, and the security guard there hit on me.

Omegalus: lol!

One-Winged-Chaos: He tried to secually harass me too. I couldn't even enjoy the movie! Even when Johnny Depp came on!

Zexion72: You should call the police on him.

Omegalus: I would have had his arrested when he started hitting on me.

One-Winged-Chaos: Yeah maybe I'll do that…

ArmageddonChild: Hey you guys, a friend of ours got hit b y a bus and he's in the hospital so I gotta go see him bye!

Moderator: _ArmageddonChild_ has left the room.

Zexion72: Someone got hit by a bus? Ooh, ouch.

One-Winged-Chaos: Unless it was a snob.

Zexion72: Then it's totally justified.

Omegalus: I need to get out of here…

Moderator: _Omegalus_ has left the room.

Zexion72: I guess I'll see you later Chaos…

One-Winged-Chaos: Something wrong?

Zexion72: Nah, I've just got another fanfic chapter I need to write.

One-Winged-Chaos: Oh. I'm gonna go fool around on websites then. See ya later.

Zexion72: See ya.

Moderator: _Zexion72_ has left the room.

-Chatting on the Web-  
-Part II: The Fans-

Moderator: _One-Winged-Chaos_ has left the room.

* * *

**~END:** Screenames SUCK to come up with and keep straight, seriously you guys. Anyway, first of all, Omegalus, I can't write like you do in your reviews without hurting my brain (I'm a speller/grammar FREAK and it would just kill me), so I didn't. And also, I hope you aren't insulted by the whole 'drug pusher' thing… As I was writing it I was thinking, _I hope I don't end up insulting him and making it so he never reads this again_. So please review and tell me your thoughts. Of course that goes for EVERYONE ELSE TOO!

And give me ideas! I only has like 3 blooper ideas for this chapter, and that's why I went with a chat room feel this time. So review and tell me if you liked it! And if you want to see more of these kinds of chapters or something. And ideas for FUTURE THEMED CHAPTERS are also excepted! Send em in send em in send em in!


	9. New! And Now Recyclable!

Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers

**~INTRO: **This chapter is a quickie! And plus, THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO SENT IN IDEAS! And I've decided to scrap the fanmail, cause no one's sending in questions… And I tweaked Kiwi's idea a little bit to accommodate the people I wanted to use. Because it is just like him to go, 'Who?' As much as I wanted to do a different character, he was the only one I could actually SEE in this place. Well, other than Mello. And please forgive said character if you are Australian. He doesn't know. It's JUST A JOKE! You guys aren't hairy, it's the French who are hairy.

Ahem. The people who have read FF7 Bloopers will recognize a few of these bloopers, but those who have not will find them new and fresh.

Also. I don't hate the Twilight Saga. At all. I am also not a rabid fangirl of them. The only one I think has any rereadable value is Eclipse (but that's because I'm a fan of beheadings). I think Breaking Dawn sucked. I have never throttled ANY book as much as I did BD. It had the worst ending of a book I've ever read. HOWEVER! It may be different for you, and if it is, PLEASE don't flame me for expressing my opinion in a semi-funny way. Be thankful I haven't bashed Harry Potter yet…

Or have I? Well, hm.

And FINALLY! I need EVERYONE to go to my profile, for there is a HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT THAT CONCERNS YOU **_ALL_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** Because my ANs for this chapter are long enough, and I can't put it here. AND DON'T FLAME ME FOR IT! Or come beating down my door. Or anything violent like that. Kay? Kay.

**~DISCLAIMER:** Don't sue me, I'm funny.

**~WARNING:** Brain farts. And lots of em. Tifa-hate, because I really don't like her. Slight Kairi-hate, because it's hard for me to hate her as much as Tifa. Some scenes taken from KH Chronicles. Another chat via the Internet. Plus anime cameos. Yeah, I'm serious. You'll see. -.-;;

**Chapter Eight  
New! And now Recyclable!**

**-And… You Are?-  
-Offstage-  
****(idea from Awsomekiwihere1213)**

BlueFox sighed heavily, pacing her trailer, which really wasn't more than a random janitor's closet. "Oh, this is a DISASTER!"

AC looked up from her manga reading on an overturned bucket. "What's a disaster?"

"You-know-who is being cast in Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days."

There was a pause.

"Voldemort?"

"NO! God, that's horrible, I wouldn't play the game with that skinless beast." BlueFox cleared her throat. "Our _other_ you-know-who."

AC's eyes ventured down to the manga she was reading, Vampire Knight vol. 6. Suddenly her eyes widened and she stood up. "No way."

"Way."

"We need to stop this."

"We can't. Roxas is already taking him on his tour."

"…"

****

With Roxas…

"So… why were you cast again?" Roxas still couldn't comprehend Tetsuya's weird idea. Maybe the guy was getting senile?

The other male, a silver-haired teen by the name of Zero, clenched his fists together so tightly both were surprised the skin didn't tear. "I have to do this in the name of (censored) yowies! Bush people! What the (censored), hairy (censored) Australians?!" Zero started to twitch, and Roxas subtly stepped a little bit away.

"Could be worse. You _could_ be in Final Fantasy VII, fighting against Sephiroth."

"Who the…? (Censored) it. I'll be the best character in this…game thing, and that'll show Yuki that I'm good enough."

"Riiiiiight." Roxas was attempting to not laugh out loud at poor Zero's misunderstanding (and pronouncing) of 'yaoi'.

"And, by the way…"

"Yeah?"

Zero gave him a curious look. "Who the hell are you?"

Roxas sighed. Poor guy didn't know what he was getting into.

****

-Aerith Meets Donald and Goofy-  
-From KH1-

"Excuse me," a feminine voice asked, causing Donald to shriek and jump onto Goofy as they both turned. "Did the King send you?" The camera shows Aerith in her pink dress, smiling.

Suddenly, a random Aerith fanboy runs on screen glomping Aerith to the ground.

"YOU'RE ALIVE!!"

Tetsuya: Here, too? God!! Cut!

****

-Cloud and Leon on the Ravine Trail-  
-KH2-  
(this takes place BEFORE the whole sash-cutting thing 3 chapters back)

"Cloud… Could you stop touching me?" Leon asked, looking back at Cloud.

Cloud is confused. "I'm not touching you, Leon. You're touching me."

"No I'm not. Wait, if it's not you touching me, and it's not me touching you it must be a…a…a…a…"

Together, they scream, "SPIDER!!" and launch away from each other, killing Heartless in search of the probing monstrosity.

Tetsuya: Dangit! Cut! Cut, cut cut cut!!

BlueFox: *hiding behind chair* DID YOU KILL IT YET?! *whimpers pitifully*

****

-Before Sephiroth Fight-  
-KH2-

Sephiroth is staring down at Hollow Bastion's castle place. "What is Cloud doing?"

Sora, having already read ahead in the script, summons his Keyblade. "Beats me."

"Hm. By the way, you three…" He unsheathes Masamune and spins, but Sora deflects it and shoves him off the cliff.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH-!"

AC: Oooooh. Ouch.

****

-Is that a Keyblade?-  
-From KH Chronicles 1.2-

Leon walks up to Sora from behind. "Hey, is that a Keyblade?" he asks.

Sora cocks his head, then nods.

"Can I…touch it?" Leon asks.

"No."

"Can I…smell it?"

"No, you crazy psycho!"

"Very well then, I shall take it by force!"

During the battle, Sora drops to his knees and begins to color his HP bar back in. He then gets set aflame.

"OhmigodImonfire!" Sora shrieks. "I mean…something…not…stolen…"

BlueFox: *wipes tears from eyes* Ah, that always gets me.

Tetsuya: *buries face with heavy sigh*

****

-Battle of Fate II-  
-KH2-  
(or something like that)

"Sorry to keep you…Sephiroth!"

"Cloud… You'll never let go of the darkness."

"Shut up." Cloud gets into his battle pose. Sephiroth notices bloodstains on the bandages, then points his sword at Cloud, pouting.

"You killed my pet spider," he says, sounding like he's about to cry.

Tetsuya: God almighty! Cut!

****

-Sora vs. Seph-  
-KH1-

As Sephiroth launched himself into the air, the air got hot…very hot. Meteors began to fall from the sky and the Keyblade clanged to the ground as Sora attempted to protect his head and flee at the same time.

"OH MY GOD!" he screams, trying to run. "ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!"

"Sora! SORA!" Sephiroth yells, trying to reason with the spikey haired protagonist. "SORA! Calm down! It's fake!"

The Keyblade Wielder stopped against the barricade and said, "Psh, I knew that! I mean, who can't know it's fake!" He immediately runs to the cameraman and says, "Edit out the 'Screaming for my life' part, okay?"

Tetsuya: Meh, cut…

****

-Opening-  
-KH1-  
(from SunflowerWielder)

Sora emerged from the water shaking his gravity-defying spikes of all water, and then turned his eyes to a figure on the beach.

"SORA!" Kairi called at the top of her voice. "YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE ALL FRIGGIN DAY! GET YOUR (censored) ASS OUT OF THE WATER!"

BlueFox: Wow. Such words, Kairi.

Tetsuya: Kairi, this is a kid's game. No swearing.

"Seriously?" Kairi put her hands on her hips with a huff. "It's got Sephiroth in it for (censored)'s sake."

BlueFox: And the FF7 Cid. Least, that's what the Strategy Guide says.

Kairi nodded. "Yeah! AND! Sora stabs himself later on!"

"WHAT?!" Sora, who clearly hasn't read the script yet (following in the footsteps of Cloud…) widened his eyes past the O_O to the size of huge dinnerplates. Googly eyes, like in Robot Chicken. Those kinds of eyes. Anyway… "SUICIDE WAS NOT IN MY CONTRACT!"

He turned to run, only to forget he was in waist-height water, lost his balance, and did a half-assed belly flop before he sank slowly beneath the waves.

Oops. I swore. Oh well. :D

~Take 2

Sora emerged from the water shaking his gravity-defying spikes of all water, and then turned his eyes to a figure on the beach.

Rather, that should say, 'to a figure next to him.'

Sora emerged from the water shaking his gravity-defying spikes of all water, and then turned his eyes to a figure next to him.

"ARIEL? What the hell are you doing here?" Sora demanded.

Tetsuya: STOP SWEARING!

Ariel looked around briefly. "Um, this isn't my scene?"

"No!" Sora sighed with a facepalm.

"Damn it!" Ariel dove back under the waves.

"Jesus Sora, HOW DESPERATE CAN YOU GET?!" Kairi called out to him.

Tetsuya: *dies a little on the inside*

****

-Hades' Lackey-  
-AKA Cloud vs. Vincent-  
(from Omegalus)

Vincent and Cloud were locked in an eternal (or so it seemed) staring contest, and Hades was getting bored.

"Alrighty then!" he declared, and neither of them spared the blue-two-faced-god-from-literal-Hell a second glance. "I know how we're gonna solve this. One-on-one battle, any weapon you wanna use, go ahead and use."

Cloud crossed his arms and stepped back. "One condition. If I win, I get Vincent's cape and claw."

"Err—"

Vincent smirked. "And if I win, I get your Buster Sword."

"All right."

Hades blinked, mouth hanging ajar. But then he shook his head. "Whatever. S'long as I get some tough emo guy to work the fangirls up into a frenzy about, I don't care how it goes down." He 'poofed' out of existence. "You know where y'all can find me when you're done."

BlueFox: *clicks tongue, watching through security cameras* So, this is how Cloud got Vinny's cape and claw, eh?

Sora67: Psh, we all know Vincent's gonna win.

Chaos: He wasn't in KH, man.

Sora67: You'll see. Vincent'll beat him. Go Vincent! USE A POKEMON!

BlueFox: Seriously? Don't you remember what happened LAST time someone did that? That's why Ash isn't the main character of Kingdom Hearts.

AC: I'd say that's a good thing.

BlueFox: Anyway, Vincent's not stupid enough to—

Back with Cloud and Vincent, Cloud unsheathed his Buster Sword and prepared himself for Vincent's choice of weapon.

"GO! CATERPIE!"

BlueFox: *stares* You're shitting me. Caterpie? CATERPIE? Seriously?!

Sora67: YEEEEEEEEAYUH! Show him who's boss, Vincent!

On screen, Cloud is attempting to stifle his laughter, and gives Vincent an opening.

"Caterpie! Use String Shot!"

Before Caterpie could do such a thing, Cloud put his boot down, squishing Caterpie like the bug it was.

BlueFox: AHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Sora67: *hanging jaw*

BlueFox, AC, and Chaos: *snort, snicker*

Sora67 got up and left the room, humiliated.

Chaos: And that's how Cloud got the 'Vincent' look.

****

-Chatting on the Web III-  
-Fans AND Characters-  
(by popular demand)

*~Stargazer~*: So, like I said, you have to let the water boil before you put in the ramen noodles.

Moderator: _Dark-Angel_ has entered the chat room.

BlackisBeautiful: Oh really? I was wondering why the noodles kept coming out funny. Capeircorn said that I was too stupid to make ramen or something… She's so mean. :'(

Capeircorn: I DIDN'T SAY THAT! ALL I SAID WAS THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING!

Dark-Angel: You know, typing in caps lock doesn't make you look important, it makes you look like a MySpace whore.

*~Stargazer~*: XD

Capeircorn: Why are you here anyway? Don't you have a puppy to kick or something?

*~Stargazer~*: What's got your panties in a twist, Capeircorn?

Moderator: _BlueFoxofWater1569_ has entered the chat room.

Capeircorn: Damn! *~Stargazer~*, whoever the hell you are, you'd better be happy you're not where I am! Because when I find you I'M KICKING YOUR ASS!

BlueFoxofWater1569: Ah, don't hurt him. If you do, you'll have hundreds upon thousands of fangirls on your back.

BlackisBeautiful: Capeircorn, such words for such a young child…

Dark-Angel: X3

BlueFoxofWater1569: If only Ty were here… The laughs we'd share…

BlackisBeautiful: I like va&^%^s.

BlueFoxofWater1569: WTF?! O.O

Dark-Angel: lol, ftw?

*~Stargazer~*: How 'bout them Mets?

BlueFoxofWater1569: Screw the Mets! What the hell! Where did that come from?!

BlackisBeautiful: Would you have preferred me to say I like pe*&^#*s instead?

Moderator: _Still-Doll_ has entered the chat room.

Still-Doll: HELLO MY LITTLE HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS! DON'T FRET! I'M HERE TO SAVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Dark-Angel: Oh dear God…

BlueFoxofWater1569: I don't want to know…

*~Stargazer~*: Is it just me, or has the entire world gone completely backwards?

Still-Doll: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE JUST FINISHED A DELIGHTFUL LITTLE DATE…much to the delight of the fans.

Dark-Angel: Would you please stop typing in caps lock? It's burning my eyes…

Capeircorn: Ooh really? Who'd you take out this time?

Still-Doll: Yue.

BlueFoxofWater1569: You're not serious?

Capeircorn: O.O

*~Stargazer~*: I'm glad BlueFox and Capeircorn are the only fangirls here…

Dark-Angel: I know, right? Phew.

Moderator: _Calm_but_not_Sedated_ has entered the chat room.

Calm_but_not_Sedated: STARGAZER! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR THE REVEALANCE OF YOUR WEAPON!

Dark-Angel: What is it with you retards and capslock?! And fighting to the death?

*~Stargazer~*: Huh?

BlueFoxofWater1569: wtf?

*~Stargazer~*: Whatever retard. I'm sure an Internet battle will be the most engaging fight I've ever had. –sarcasm-

Dark-Angel: See? This is why I left! All of you have issues you need to work out…

Still-Doll: Hmm, this can be converted into a fragile love triangle for a fanfic!

BlackisBeautiful: Feck no.

Calm_but_not_Sedated: Aw, c'mon man. I'll give you a cookie if you fight me…

Capeircorn: Yeah, c'mon dude, you know you like cookies! LMAO!!!!

BlueFoxofWater1569: C'mon…cookies… -drools-

Dark-Angel: You are all humongus imbeciles.

*~Stargazer~*: a virtual cookie…omg… -.-

Calm_but_not_Sedated: Oh c'mon!

Capeircorn: I forgot what started all this…

*~Stargazer~*: Ramen noodles…wait… OH SHIT! BRB!

Moderator: _*~Stargazer~*_ has left the chat room.

BlueFoxofWater1569: I want ramen noodles…

Dark-Angel: I want new friends…

Still-Doll: Hehehe, he finally realized how much he wanted to know about his home so he went to a fanfiction website and it still didn't help him understand where he was in his life so he had to give himself some time to think about how he gave too much thought into who he was and where he stood so he's got to get himself together so he gave himself

Capeircorn: STFU already!

Still-Doll: So he gave himself a chance because he needed a little time for

BlackisBeautiful: Shut. Up. Now.

Moderator: _*~Stargazer~*_ has entered the chat room.

Calm_but_not_Sedated: Stargazer! You have returned and so our battle continues!

*~Stargazer~*: Stargazer? Damn, did I sign in on the wrong screenname again?

Capeircorn: Who are you?

*~Stargazer~*: I'm

Moderator: _FlowerPower447_ has entered the chat room.

FlowerPower447: Dammit Marluxia! Get off my computer!

FlowerPower447: wiuetrp[w0[aq= 24\3863.050-wjka

Calm_but_not_Sedated: wtf?

Moderator: _FlowerPower447_ has left the chat room.

BlueFoxofWater1569: 'Kay…

*~Stargazer~*: Yeah whatever. Let him have his little emo moment.

Still-Doll: What is wrong with you people? It's like you're all mentally retarded.

Moderator: _*~Stargazer~* _has left the chat room.

Dark-Angel: It's like you're legally color blind, Doll.

BlackisBeautiful: You know, there's such thing as emotional counseling.

Dark-Angel: -snort- He doesn't need emotional counseling, he needs a crash course in ANXIETY 101.

Still-Doll: lol

Capeircorn: You know chat speak?

Moderator: _Calm_but_not_Sedated_ has left the chat room.

BlueFoxofWater1569: It's about time.

Moderator: _*~Stargazer~*_ has entered the chat room.

BlackisBeautiful: What do you want now, Marluxia?

Moderator: _FlowerPower447_ has entered the chat room.

*~Stargazer~*: I'm not Marluxia dammit!

FlowerPower447: Have you guys seen the boobs on the chick who plays Winry Rockbell from Fullmetal Alchemist?

BlueFoxofWater1569: omg lol!

Capeircorn: That was so random…

*~Stargazer~*: And we know you why?

Dark-Angel: Death Note and Bleach are so much better.

BlueFoxofWater1569: Mmmmm… Mello… -drools-

Flowerpower447: Mmmmm… Ulquiorra…

*~Stargazer~*: Mmmmm you two are retarded.

Dark-Angel: Mmmmm you touched my tra la la…

BlackisBeautiful: Oh, my ding ding dong…

*~Stargazer~*: O.O XD

Dark-Angel: But seriously, Fullmetal Alchemist isn't all that great.

BlueFoxofWater1569: NEVER say that around the FMA fangirls.

Dark-Angel: What fangirls?

Still-Doll: The fangirls right outside of your house!

Dark-Angel: WHAT?!?!?!

Capeircorn: I'd be willing to bet they are there…

Still-Doll: And pissed off beyond all belief about what Angel said! Hahahaha!

Moderator: _Dark-Angel_ has left the chat room.

BlackisBeautiful: Thanks a lot for talking all that smack about the fangirls.

*~Stargazer~*: I am willing to believe Angel is hiding under the bed from the imaginary fangirls.

BlueFoxofWater1569: Hey, where's Marluxia?

Capeircorn: Huh, I just realized he was missing.

*~Stargazer~*: He's in my room bothering me! Goddamn it!

Moderator:_ *~Stargazer~*_ has left the chat room.

Moderator: _*~Stargazer~*_ has left a message: Save me!

BlueFoxofWater1569: Well, I have an FF7 game I have to go beat…again.

Moderator: _BlueFoxofWater1569_ has left the chat room.

BlackisBeautiful: I have other plans to do right now. Like go make fun of my original self.

Still-Doll: Don't you mean, cry at how pitiful you used to look?

BlackisBeautiful: I'm gonna ignore that.

Moderator: _BlackisBeautiful_ has left the chat room.

Moderator: _BlackisBeautiful_ has left a message: I wonder whatever happened to Ash after his audition…?

Capeircorn: Sometimes I wonder that, too…

Still-Doll: I don't know? o_O

Capeircorn: -sigh-

Moderator: _Capeircorn_ has left the chat room.

Moderator: _Capeircorn_ has left a message: Damn it. Sign off before the Yue fangirls come in a bloodlust.

Moderator: _Still-Doll_ has left the chat room.

* * *

Whoo, that was fun, no? Sorry, Omegalus, I couldn't expound much on the Vivi idea… I was thinking about maybe throwing Zidane in doing a Tarzan impression, but… I couldn't actually figure out how the scene would play out. Eh. Maybe next chapter.

Also, no Caterpies were harmed in the making of this chapter. If you want to see the deleted audition of Ash trying out as the protagonist of Kingdom Hearts, let me know in your reviews, and I will work it into the next chapter.

Hope you guys had fun reading this chapter! Send in more ideas! Vote on the poll if you haven't done so already! Chaos and Omegalus, expect a PM from me about the final chapter! Guess who the unrevealed people in the chat are for a lovely prize! Here are some hints:

_*~Stargazer~*_ is a member of Organization XIII.

_Dark-Angel _is an EX-member of Organization XIII.

_BlackisBeautiful_ is an ex-Final Fantasy MALE character.

_Still-Doll_ is a cameo character from the anime/manga Cardcaptor Sakura

_Calm_but_not_Sedated_ is one of the Destiny Islanders

Answers will be revealed in the next chapter! See you then!


	10. Important: EXTENDED HIATUS

I am quitting this fic. I'M SO SORRY! I know, I know, I said a long while back I wouldn't give up on it. Technically, I'm not, I'm just moving it onto an… extended hiatus.

Perhaps this will cheer you up: when I get the next two editions of the series (the DS and PSP ones, cause I just got a DS) I'll post chapters again. However, they won't be here. They'll be on deviantart.

Even when I'm officially not on ffnet anymore, I'll update my profile with links to the new chapters of Bloopers on deviant. So check often!

~BlueFox~


End file.
